It is a big misconception that today’s pirates sail the seven seas to conquer foreign ships and tow them to remote islands. Present day buccaneers’ beards aren’t the straggly looking salted facial hair of yore Past-O-Rama, but merely the well groomed hipsters’ scruff that pops out from under a knitted beanie. The outlaws that you see here before you, do have something in common, though, with those yesteryear brigands. You see, these fearsome fellows too believe that it is actually something good they are doing. Call them modern Robin Hoods, if you like. Or rather, nowadays’ Benjamin Hornigolds. They steel from the rich, the ignorant, the fools, the knuckleheads and numb-nuts.

And like those Caribbean sailors of the 1800s, these modern bunch of tinkers do not need state of the art equipment. You won’t find the fastest of computers in this building. Just some lame laptops, a fiber glass connection and a few wired routers. And this, this will be your throne for as long as you decide to join our little gangland. I know it’s not much, but you have to earn your way up.

Avast ye. Meet the hands: Show Boat and Blue Rose. These two gorgeous broads are currently setting up a porn site, that only is accessible after payment of a reasonable amount of cryptocurrency. We accept Bitcoin, Ethereum, Monero, Ripple, Dash and Nem. And guess what? Those perverts’ personal data will be passed on to the proper authorities, while we won’t show ’em any of the goods, but do take their cash, thank you very much. Show Boat can tell you how we will not be traceable. The crop is carried over to me, because … well … because I am the head master, the Uber Bitch. They do not call me The Accountant for nothing, you now. I do the laundering and make sure you get what you deserve on your own crypto account.

Meanwhile you may have noticed that you are the only male gendered species here in this shag. Welcome. I will be fair with you, because we like to blunt. Yes, we did hire you for your webdesign and image processing skills. You are the best in your field, so you will do the front end, while we take care of the back end. But that’s not all. You see, we may look like some frigid unaffectionate asexual geeks, yet all this robbery and fraud gets our endorfine levels through the roof. At the end of the day, this is all about the rush. Our eagerness and greed often just makes us plane hot-blooded and lascivious. So for you, my friend, there will be some extra loot, if and when you deliver.

This closed envelope contains a piece of paper. On that paper I have written what I expect us, as a team, to have harvested by midnight. At zero hours, you may open the envelope and find out if you have lived up to my expectations, or perhaps have exceeded them. If so, us three will grant your sexual desires. No further questions asked. No back talk, no resisting. You the man. And believe me, we know our kinks. You will not be disappointed.

However. If the goal, that I set and wrote down on that particular little piece of paper, has not been met, we feel it is totally permissible to have our way with you. Show Boat here, has a pretty firm punch and I just happened to see a huge strap on in Blue Rose‘s desk. Mind your Dungbie, boy. Just so you know. And I? Let’s just say, after sitting on that crappy ol’ chair of mine, I can use some other furniture to sit on.

So, All hands hoay. Don’t shiver your timbers. Show me your loot, and I’ll show you mine.