There are many things you can do to trigger an orgasm. And there are at least as many things that get in the way of your orgasm. Without realising it, you sometimes do things that hinder your orgasm. Of course, your breathing changes when you are aroused, but there is other relationship between breathing and orgasm. Breathing techniques that help manage stress and anxiety can also be used to increase your pleasure. Are you holding your breath when you (almost) cum? Then you are undermining your orgasm!
How breathing is related to your orgasm
Your breathing is an essential aspect of your orgasm. During orgasm, (pelvic floor) muscles tighten and relax. You need a certain amount of muscle tension for orgasm, but learning to relax can trigger new sensations. By nature, we hold our breath and tense our muscles to bring ourselves ‘over the edge’ and cum. We do this out of nervousness, excitement, the fear of letting go, an attempt to muffle noise (so the kids or housemates don’t wake up), you want to focus, or because breathing heavily feels too animalistic. Your breathing, or holding your breath, is an unconscious reflex. If you do this too much, you try too hard and it often just doesn’t work.
When you tighten your muscles to try hard to orgasm, your whole body tightens. Your diaphragm is then also tense, causing you to hold your breath. If that works for you, that’s fine. But if you’re struggling to cum, or want to try something different, you can influence it by breathing differently. By being more conscious with your breathing, you can increase your pleasure.
The sphincters, making noise and orgasm
People in maternity care know: If the sphincters in your body (the anus, vagina, cervix and larynx) are relaxed, so is the rest of the body. Fear and insecurity actually cause the muscles to stay tensed. The mouth becomes tighter, the vagina and anus are squeezed shut and the cervix closes. To make the vagina and cervix relax, midwives tell you to open your mouth and produce guttural sounds. ‘Open mouth = open vagina’. The birth canal opens and the baby can pass through.
Incidentally, the same thing happens when you are sitting on the toilet and have trouble defecating. Open your mouth, let sounds arise naturally. Your body relaxes and the sphincter muscle relaxes.
Moaning together during sex makes you less self-conscious about what you are doing. You fall back into primary behaviour and this facilitates your orgasm.
Holding your breath during sex can limit the amount of oxygen in your system. This can be counterproductive. Maximising your breathing helps boost your blood circulation, which is essential for blood flow to the genitals.
Training yourself to breathe deeply and naturally can improve your sexual experience. At the same time, you also don’t want to concentrate so hard on breathing that you forget you are having sex. Thinking too much about how to have an orgasm can only make it harder. The trick is to concentrate on your breathing before your orgasm, not during it.
Practice while masturbating
Changing a habit often requires a lot of practice. It takes some getting used to correctly breathing deeply during sex. Therefore, practise it during masturbation. That way, you get used to it and it becomes second nature, where you have to think about it much less. Just like riding a bike.
Breathe deeply through your diaphragm (belly) instead of from your chest and stretch breathing in and out. Concentrate on each breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. The slower you breathe, the deeper you inhale, sending more oxygen through your body. If necessary, visualise the oxygen going through your pelvic region.
There are all kinds of breathing exercises that can help you increase your pleasure. One of these techniques, which is especially useful if you have orgasmic problems, is called 4-7-8 breathing. Inhale deeply through the nose for four seconds. Then hold the breath for seven seconds. Finally, exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds. Repeat this about three times.
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