When you say to Siri “talk dirty to me” you invariably get the response “the carpet needs vacuuming.” But of course, that’s not the kind of dirty talk we like to talk about. Sex talk can be a source of excitement, at least if you know what to say. Fortunately, it can be learned. And we know how.

In bed or at a distance

Of course, quiet intimate sex can also be very exciting, but sometimes small talk in the right tone can provide just that little bit of extra excitement. Dirty talk makes horny sex so much hornier. And if you can’t be together for a while at the moment, you can use it to spice up your WhatsApp or online conversations quite a bit. Dirty talk is a perfect way to get your partner in the mood, by way of foreplay, for example, in the form of messages during the working day.

Dirty talk is basically just conversations where you describe in as much detail as possible what you do or what you would do. With the right amount of drama and the right words, you can totally get your partner in the mood and maybe even climax.

c’est la tone qui fait la musique

There is no need to use foul language if you are uncomfortable with it. On the other hand, it can actually be very exciting to use words like “cock” or “cunt” when they would not normally cross your lips.

The best way is to describe your or your partner’s fantasy explicitly, from beginning to end. Or describe what you are currently doing (either with yourself or with him or her). You can also tell what you would like your partner to do to you.

Whatever you say, describe things in as much detail and as slowly as possible. And we don’t mean that you talk slowly (that too), but that you don’t rush the actions one after the other. Take your time. Tease. Build it up slowly.

If you feel uncomfortable pronouncing words like “fuck”, “blowjob”, or “clit”, you can also practise them. This sounds strange, but if you’re alone then it’s best to speak your fantasy out loud while masturbating. It’s a perfect exercise for when it’s just the two of you.

Whatever you do, don’t overthink it. You’re not writing a novel so it doesn’t all have to be thought through. Just let yourself go and talk.

Audioporn

Of course, if you send each other photos or videos, there is always the danger of them leaking out and getting into the wrong hands. You could also consider reading out an erotic story (preferably one you have thought up yourself). Put on your sexiest voice and speak a message. Talk in a low voice. Whisper if necessary. Or put on some horny music in the background.

Audio porn (voice messages with arousing lyrics) is very horny to listen to, especially if it comes from your own lover. Don’t be afraid to let your own arousal shine through. Masturbate while talking, for example. It will be an honour for your partner to hear you cum. And if such a recording leaks out, you can always deny it’s you (unless you’ve named names).

What on earth to say?

Dirty talk does require some creativity. Describing your own fantasy is quite intimate and that takes courage. If you don’t know what to say, you can also read or retell an erotic story. Or you can describe what you saw in a porn video and what turned you on about it.

Another way, if you can’t find the right words, is to ask questions? “What would you do if …”, “are you hard/wet yet?”, “what are you wearing right now?”, “would you like me to slip my hand into your panties?”.

When you are together, you can describe what you are doing and what you feel. “Your skin is so soft and warm”, “I can feel the excitement through your trousers”, “oh, I see a trickle of moisture. What a horny sight.”

Furthermore, you can also describe things that are not possible at that moment for whatever reason. For example, if you are at a crowded reception, you can whisper in his ear how much you want to feel his hard cock inside you. Or if there are two of you, you can describe what you would do if there was a third person there. In the film ‘Keetje Tippel’, Monique van de Ven jerks off a customer (Fons Rademakers) and whispers in his ear “Do you know what I really like? In my ass”, to which the customer almost immediately cums. Do you get the idea?

Sample sentences

In case you still don’t know where to start, here are some example sentences you can ´borrow´. Consider whether you are the one taking the initiative or whether it is your partner who is a bit more dominant.

Foreplay

If you are still flirting, then dirty talk is a perfect foreplay.

If you are dominant:

• I know you’ve been fantasising about licking/eating/fucking me all day long
• Come here and kiss/lick/bite me (and point to a body part)
• You must be getting all hard/wet at the thought of licking/eating/fucking me?
• Not yet. I want to make you yearn a little longer.
• I know what you want, but I want you to ask/ beg me for it.
• Tonight you are mine [name]. And you’re going to suck/eat/fuck me until you beg me to stop.

If he/she is dominant:

• I am totally turned on/hot/hard/wet by you.
• I’ve been thinking about this all day.
• I can’t wait to feel you inside me/get inside you.
• I love that horny look in your eyes.
• Oh, I want this so badly.
• Tonight I’m yours [name].
• Do with me what you want. I’m up for anything.

One step further

Once you get the mood, you can take it a step further. Switch to some more explicit language. Don’t hesitate. Say it!

If you are dominant:

• Come here and lick my pussy/blow me/suck my dick/clit.
• Tell me how you enjoy the taste of my cock/pussy/how wet/hard I make you.
• Go on. Go on. Suck on my clit/head.
• Fuck me harder/slower.
• I want to cum on/in your mouth/tongue.
• Look at me. I want you to beg me to come. But if you look away then I’ll stop.
• Come behind me/on me/under me and fuck me until I cum.
• Do you like this? Tell me how much you like feeling my hard cock inside you/feeling my tight/wet pussy. Say it!
• Lick this clean! (Finger her/yourself and hold your fingers in front of his/her mouth).
• Stand up and let me lick/suck you.
• Go on. Come and cum nicely. I want to taste you when you come.

If he/she is dominant:

• Can I lick/blow you?
• Fuck me harder, please. Don’t stop. Keep going.
• Oh, baby, I want to come. I’m coming/may I come?
• I’m so hard/wet. I want your hard cock/wet pussy.
• Fuck me [name]. I want to be your slut/stud/sex slave.
• I want to come inside you/that you come inside me.
• Do with me what you want. Fuck me hard.
• Oh you’re so hard/wet/good. I’m almost coming.

Practice makes perfect

All beginnings are difficult. You might feel a little uncomfortable the first time. But if you notice the effect of dirty talk, things will get easier and easier.