Due to all the media attention, many people are interested in exploring BDSM. For them, it is extremely fascinating to experiment with bondage, sado-masochism, submission or dominance. But what if you don’t have a partner? What are the possibilities of acting out your BDSM desires?
Self play or solo play
If you do BDSM by yourself, it is called self play or solo play genoemd. By experimenting alone, you will be able to discover what you do or do not like about BDSM. In this case it is extremely important to keep your own safety in mind. When you decide to do some solo BDSM, there will be no one around that can loosen your ties, when you get stuck accidentally (to name just one thing).
When you practice BDSM with a partner, he or she can do some after care, just in case you get into subspace. But when you are alone, it is important you take care of yourself, after some solo play. Make sure you have an after care kit at hand, with nurturing creme, a bottle or sports drink or some candy (for hydration and sugar) and perhaps some tea and a soft blanket.
Even without a partner there are plenty of things you can do on your own, when you are interested in BDSM.
Start online
The worldwide web offers countless possibilities to help you on your journey. Start for instance with exploring where you stand in the BDSM and kink spectrum. Are you a ‘brat’, a ‘vanilla’, a ‘switch’, or a ‘rigger’, to name a few? There are many archetypes and you are never just one. When you do the test on www.bdsmtest.org/info, you will be able to find out (on a scale from 0 to 100%) which of these archetypes fit you best. Also there are lists with paraphilias, that contain several fetishes and kinks, varying from voyeurisme (getting aroused from watching others) to symphorophilia (getting aroused from watching car accidents). These lists can give you some insights in the world of lesser known or deviating sexual interests. There is even a map of sexual activities, on which you can pinpoint what areas you have already explored and which are still out there for you.
Also, there are numerous websites that offer more information and stories on BDSM than you will be able to digest in a lifetime.
Once you know what makes you tick, you can search online for people with similar interests. The largest network of kinksters is Fetlife. This is some kind of Facebook with 1.2 million members globally, that share their interests. You will find several groups with several kinks and fetishes and you can contact others.
But also on Twitter there are many tweeps, with a shadow account to explore their kinky selfs.
Inspiration for solo BDSM
Maybe you know exactly what it is you are looking for and you are not interested in online contacts. You just want to perform BDSM. But finding a partner for BDSM takes time. Because bondage, spanking, domination or submission is not something you do with a one night stand. And in the meantime you don’t want to do nothing. Right?
A number of porn sites contain videos of people performing self play. Just look for ‘self BDSM’ or ‘solo BDSM’ on one of the well known pron sites (PornHub, Fuq, Xhamster). Most likely you will find a lot of movies that are not very appealing to you, but every once in a while you might find something inspiring.
BDSM alone: what can you do?
Even when you are alone, there are many BDSM activities that you can practiced by yourself. Lets name some:
Temperature play
It is quite easy to play with hot and cold alone. Tease yourself with an ice cube, put your glass dildo in the fridge or hold it under hot running water. Or drip some wax on the most sensitive areas of your body.
Edging
A really interesting way of challenging yourself is with edging. The idea of edging is bringing yourself to the edge, but not just over it. Postpone your orgasm as long as possible. Set yourself a goal (e.g. three days of masturbating without orgasms).
Edging is often practiced in the BDSM scene when a dominant prohibits a submissive to orgasm. Sometimes the submissive has to ask for permission to orgasm. Play with yourself. Use a vibrator (preferably a string one, like a wand vibrator or a fucking machine).
By postponing your orgasm, or even depriving yourself of orgasms, you will have long periods of strong arousal. And when you do allow yourself to come, your orgasm will be extra intense. Doesn’t that sound like a great way of self torture? On top of that, it is always good to have more self control, just in case you do find a partner to experiment with.
Self flagellation
Self flagellation goes back centuries. It is quite easy to spank yourself with your own hand. But you may also use a whip, a paddle, or flogger to hit yourself. Start by hitting yourself on the back, upper legs and buttocks. Avoid your side and be careful with your genitals. Always start with soft slaps and increase power and pace if you like.
For some people, self flagellation is all about the pain. But for most it has t do with the endorphin that are released.
Bondage
It may sound strange, but you can perform bondage on yourself too. ‘Self shibari’ is a form of bondage where you use bondage rope to create some kind of harnas on yourself. On YouTube you will find several instruction videos that show how you can safely tie yourself up.
When you don’t have the rope, there are several other things at hand that you may use, like a scarf, a belt, or even bandage. Always make sure you will be able to loosen your ties. Be careful with masks and gags, because you might not get sufficient breath.
Sex toys for self play
You can enhance your self play with several BDSM sex toys, that are great for solo acts. Just think about a Whartenberg wheel, butt plugs, chastity belts or –cage, nipple clamps and of course bondage rope and a good wand vibrator.
Marc van Lier
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