Quite incorrectly, many people have the impression that people with a mental or physical disability would not have a desire for sex. NBRplaza investigated.
Before we do, we have to say that no one in our editorial office is disabled. If one of our readers wants and dares to share experiences, to point us out correctly or to complete us, you can do so below in the comments, via our contact form or by email.
It is a persistent misunderstanding that disabled people are always asexual (someone without the need for sex). They would either be too innocent and immature to have sexual thoughts or they would be pathetic and therefore unable to engage in sex. Don’t know abou t that? We say: look at Disney:
Family and social workers also find it embarrassing and sometimes subtly try to avoid the subject and keep the person in question out of sexual situations. The truth is that disabled people are just as likely to be asexual as people who are not needy. Disabled people come in as many different sexual tastes as other people. They can be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, still seeking and, yes, asexual. Their sexual identity can vary equally. In terms of both gender identity and sexual orientation, disabled people come in as many flavors as anyone else.
As in any relationship, communication is very important in a sexual relationship with a disabled person.
- Physical feelings: People with physical disabilities can feel pain where a healthy person does not. Or, they don’t feel things that others can feel. If you are physically handicapped, it is very important that you tell your partner (disabled or not) what you are feeling. This way your partner knows if he or she is hurting you or if you don’t feel anything at all (while your partner may assume that he/she is pushing the right buttons), or if this is completely great and that he or she should keep going . If you have a disabled partner, don’t accept anything, but ask as often as you can if what you’re doing is comfortable. Also, due to physical limitations, not all positions are possible. This can sometimes hinder sex. Sometimes some imagination and creativity is required to be able to assume a correct position with the help of pillows and support, for example.
- Desires: It is not easy for the partner of a disabled person to understand where and how to touch you. Sometimes the answer is obvious. But sometimes the partner cannot guess. For someone who is (partially) paralyzed, the visual aspect of sex can be very important. Just because someone can’t feel anything doesn’t mean it’s not hot to watch the touches. It also regularly happens that parts of the body just above the paralysis form a substitute erogenous zone. Never assume that someone’s condition assumes that certain things are not possible or desirable.
- Self-esteem: Many people, disabled or otherwise, have problems with self-confidence in sexual situations. If we are ashamed of certain body parts, it can be a huge mood killer. This certainly applies to the disabled. The physically handicapped often feel damaged and unattractive. It is important that you as a partner of a disabled person help to restore self-confidence. Talk to each other about fears and insecurities. Make that person feel completely comfortable.
It is (again) a misunderstanding that disabled people cannot get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. In fact, many couples with disabilities have children together.
It is therefore important that you use the correct contraceptives. Discuss with your doctor or counselors what best suits your situation. Hormonal birth control (such as the Pill) can be unreliable in combination with other drugs.
Using a condom can be challenging if you have a physical disability. In some cases, a female condom can therefore be a solution.
It is not always easy to find a partner as a disabled person. So why shouldn’t you, as a disabled person, brighten up your sex life with yourself. For men, there are a variety of toys available that can help with masturbation. Oddly enough, such toys are much less well known than the range of toys for women.
Women who struggle to orgasm due to their disability can benefit from a vibrator during play. That does not necessarily have to be a vibrating artificial penis for the ‘lower regions’. The strong vibrations of a ‘magic wand‘, such as the Lelo Smart Wand, or the Magic Massager can be particularly pleasant for the stomach, back, neck, breasts or any other body part. Entire tribes enjoy it very much!
Practice, practice and practice
Ultimately, it all depends on the limitation of yourself or your partner what works and what doesn’t. Perhaps it takes some time and a lot of practice to find out what is effective and what results in the desired effect. So that will be practice. Practice a lot. But in the world of sex, that’s the best thing there is. Right?