The crowded dating market forces you to differentiate yourself. Of course you can pretend to be wel read, but a true sapiosexual sees through the BS. A thorough conversation on contemporary issues is for them more important than a biological connection.
What is sapiosexuality?
A sapiosexual is someone who is primarily attracted to someone’s intellect. Although some see it as a sexual orientation, it is not. In addition a sapiosexual can be hetero-, bi-, homo-, or pansexual. Neither is it a character trait.
The intellect of a (potential) partner is more important for a sapiosexual than looks. A sapiosexual would rather date someone who speaks eloquently, has a high IQ, but is cripple, than a boring person with an athletic body. Nevertheless, physical attraction, similarities, emotions and reciprocity aren’t unimportant for a sapiosexual. It’s just less important than brilliance.
Although the term comes from Latin (sapiens and sex), it is a relatively new word. The Dutch online etymology bank doesn’t know it (yet). The term is supposedly invented by someone that goes by the nickname ‘wolfyboy‘ on Livenet in 1998. Only when OKCupid added it to a list of sexual preferences in 2014, it became more well known.
Biologists and sociologists ask themselves what evolutionary role sapiosexuality has. Due to the changes in our modern society, muscle power and fertility (characteristics that we used to be attracted to) have become of lesser importance. If we are looking for a successful partner, it is not important that he – let’s say – can hunt or cook, but it is important that he or she is inventive and has insight.
How to recognize a true sapiosexual?
Sapiosexuality is a characteristic that people attribute to themselves. There are many gradations. Intelligence expresses itself in problem solving, the way someone expresses themselves, or is able to have a comprehensive and passionate conversation on varying subjects, or in the critical attitude someone has on a large spectrum of subjects. For many sapiosexuals, having an intellectual silted conversation, is somewhat of a mental masturbation. For others it is just purely pretentious snob-ism.
A sapiosexual doesn’t have to be a smart individual, on the other hand. It just means he or she is attracted to intelligent partner material. Typical sapiosexuals are the students that feel attracted to their professor, the groupies of a famous author, the junior at the office who is in love with the founder of the organization, or the music lover who is crazy of the DJ who knows so much of that music genre.
A sapiosexual will be looking for an interesting dialogue and intellectual stimulation, that will transform into sexual excitement, tension and attraction.
Sex with a sapiosexual
Many sapiosexual are of the opinion that sex with an intellectual person can never be bad. After all, if you are intelligent, you will have some kind of social wisdom and will be open for new experiences. That means that such persons will never be cock or cunt oriented in the first place or have some kind of assumptions on sexuality. It corresponds with people who are curious, have a strong imagination, are open minded and into innovation. They will be able to accept that there is still a lot to learn. If one can communicate well, you are halfway there. The idea is that you want to get to know each other and asks what the other person likes, or that he or she shows what is pleasurable.
Dating for sapiosexuals
The current dating is eroding. Can things be more superficial than swiping? Even if you are just in for some serious hot sex, a sapiosexual would want to do that only with someone with whom they can have a great conversation with afterwards.
Yet, there is a dating app for sapiosexuals: Sapio. This app allows you to get in contact with others by answering a range of questions. The more questions you answer, the better the chances of finding your soulmate. You will only see the answers of others to the questions you answered yourself. Those questions are about hypothetical situations (‘if happiness was a currency, what job would make you rich’), secrets (‘what is the most illegal thing you ever did and got away with’), stories (‘have you ever won a competition’), controversy (‘what conspiracy theory do you believe is true’), what’s going on in your head (‘when did you realize you were an adult’) and – of course – sexuality (‘what kinks go too far’).
In the end there is not so much difference between Tinder and Sapio. At the end of the day the result is the same.
Marc van Lier
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