Everyone who wants to spice up its love life will sooner or later start to experiment. Some do it by dressing up, others have sex on public places and some will tie each other up. And then there are people who use alternative sex toys. But what is safe to stick into a vagina? We did some research to what foodstuff is suitable to be intimate with.
There are many ways to have fun with food during sex. You can smear it over someone (specially nice if it contains menthol or ginger, because of the spicy effects on the most sensitive areas, like the clit or the glans) and lick it off again. You can spit it out over your partner, or you can stick it into your partner. Like with everything, some reluctance is in place. Not just because you can get nauseous, of all the champagne, chocolate, whipped cream, ice cream, banana, cucumber and strawberries. There are also some absolute don’ts.
Whatever it is you will be doing, always ask if the ‘victim’ has a food allergy. Some allergies are extremely dangerous or even life threatening. In that case, don’t use that type of food internally (anal or vaginal) or at least use a condom.
Size does matter
If you don’t want to end up in the emergency room as the laughing stock, remember it is of importance that things you put in yourself or somebody else is of the proper size. A giant root is better then a baby carrot. A jar of carrots and pees is possible, as long as the jar is still around it. And always make sure you have a tight grip.
The vegetable department
Phallus shaped fruits and vegetables, like a cucumber, banana, carrot, corn, rettich, and eggplant, are nice and will capture the imagination. Always leave the vegetables in the skin to prevent them from getting soft or break. Always wash the skin to remove sharp seeds (like with a cucumber) and agrochemicals. The skin of the vagina and anus is thin and sensitive and will easily tear. That is unpleasant and painful. So, don’t use rough vegitables and watch out for sharp edges. Or, like Dutch actress Georgina Verbaan once answered to the question which fruit was most erotic, a strawberry or a pineapple: “a pineapple hurts too much, when you try to insert it…”
Ice is always fun. The temperature ensures a great sensation. But ice can break and sometimes sharp edges can damage the skin. If you try inserting ice cubes, always hold it under streaming water or rub it between your hands to get rid of sharp edges. Also, it will prevent from ‘dry ice’ to stick to the skin.
Rub each other in with chocolate. Not only the application, but also licking it off is very erotic. Be careful with sugars. Sugar may never enter the vagina, not even the tiniest bit, because sugar will develop a bacteria that will cause an infection that is very dangerous. It could even cause infertility. So, never put soda, fruit, whipped cream, liquor, candy, or anything of that kind into a vagina. A condom might help, for example around a Popsicle.
Bubbles and sex are a match made in heaven. Poor it over each other and lick it off. If the champagne is cold it will cause a great sensation. Be moderate, because a drenched matras will not dry in an instant. A bottle is strictly not food, but if you’re thinking of poring a bottle of champagne in a vagina, be careful. Not only the alcohol and the sugars are dangerous, there ‘s also the danger of air getting into the vagina, what could lead to a blood clot. Don’t do it.
Wanna play with a sausage? Put a rubber on it. The nitrate in the meat is bad for the internal of the body.
Although it might be a great idea to wallow in vanilla pudding, remind yourself that you have to clean it up afterwards. A rubber sheet might not be such a bad idea. Never use greasy products, like olive oil, butter, or mayonaise as lube. Not only will they spread bacteria, they also deteriorate your condom. Rather use a water based lube.
Herbs & spices
Be very careful with herbs. Chili peppers or cayene peppers can be very painful and will burn for a long time. But also an innocent spice like cinnamon can become extremely unpleasant.
If you played with food and you are worried that some residu was left behind, be careful with washing. Don’t try to spoon things out (seriously) and don’t use an enema. You will disturb the natural balance and run the risk that the stuff is only pushed in deeper and will start to infect. Take a shower and let your body do the rest.
By the way, everything we say about the vagina, also accounts for the penis. Just because there is a hole, doesn’t mean you should shove things in. If you do want to stick things into your penis, use medical dilators. Trust us, you don’t want an infection down there.
If you are in for something extreme, you might want to try this …