The names of some sex toys can be hilarious. Take the “PipeDream Extreme Elite Vibrating Mega Milker Masturbator. That’s quite a – ehm – mouthful to say the least and sounds like a cartoon with robots who want to conquer the world. Although the name does somewhat suggest what you are dealing with here, some explanation may be in order.
What is the PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker?
PDX stands for PipeDream Extreme. This is a range of sex toys for individuals with a penis, who are looking for something that is just that little bit more. For example, the range includes sex dolls worth over €3,000.
If you are familiar with the phenomenon of a “masturbator,” you may know that most masturbators consist of a soft “sleeve” that goes around the penis. Usually there is a hard shell around that. A few masturbators add vibrations. And yet other masturbators have a mechanical up and down motion.
The PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker does all of this. So it’s a masturbator, but one with integrated vibrations and an automatic up and down mechanism.
Specs & functions of the PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker
An important part of any masturbator is the ‘sleeve’; that part that comes into direct contact with your penis. Pipedream calls the material from which this sleeve is made ‘Fanta Flesh’. That sounds great, but it is nothing more and nothing less than TPE (Thermo Plastic Rubber). This is the material most masturbators are made of. It is super elastic and feels wonderfully soft and warm to the touch. The inside of the sleeve has a slight texture for even more stimulation.
The sleeve goes into a rather large shell that is 24 cm long and 9 cm in diameter. Inside that shell is a bullet vibrator that can vibrate in 7 different patterns. Furthermore, it contains a kind of U-shaped mechanism that moves up and down. The ‘legs’ of the U, gently squeeze the sleeve in 6 different patterns. In this way, this ‘milker’ massages the penis.
Furthermore, there is a kind of window in the shell, through which you can see the mechanism move. Behind that window is an LED light that can take on different colors, giving you a kind of light show while masturbating.
But that’s not all. Included is a strong suction cup. This allows you to attach the masturbator to virtually any flat surface.
This masturbator runs on a rechargeable battery. You can control the vibrations, the mechanical ‘milking’ and the light show, each with a separate button. This way you can turn each function on and off separately, and use it at the same time, or not.
Unboxing the PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker
The features and specs of this device are pretty impressive. I have tested masturbators before, both with and without mechanical movements and with and without vibrations. I don’t think I’ve ever come across one that had both, although that always seemed like a good idea to me.
The box the PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker comes in, is pretty big and heavy. Inside the box is the (huge) shell. The TPE sleeve is already in there. In addition, it contains a set of penis rings (3 different sizes), a suction cup, a charging cord (90cm) and … a headset (ear buds).
When you remove the cap from the shell, an artificial vagina appears. Around the “neck” of the sleeve is a cardboard ring, which states that you must remove it before use.
What I immediately miss is an instruction manual. Because, say it yourself: those earbuds? What should you do with them? The box doesn’t mention anything about this, nor can you find anything about it on the PipeDream website. – insert mysterious tune –
The ‘test drive’
The PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker is already charged when you unwrap it (or should I say “her”?). That’s convenient, because I really want to give this thing a try. You can screw the suction cup onto the sleeve pretty easily. I was a bit skeptical about that suction cup, but this one has a ‘lock’ mechanism, which makes it suck itself in extra well on flat surfaces. It stayed put on the tabletop of my desk and on the tiles of my bathroom without any problems. Handy for hands-free operation!
Also useful is that you can turn on the vibrations, the light show and the mechanism separately and have them change pattern. This gives you 7×6=42 different modes (not counting the light show mode). For each of the three buttons for the three different functions, you first have to press and hold it for a few seconds to activate it. Then you go to the next setting by pressing briefly. Each time you turn on a function again, you start where you left off. So far, nothing but praise!
No lube is included, but in order to penetrate the tight little hole, lube – in addition to a hard erection – is really a requirement. Without lube, or without an erection, it is virtually impossible to get your penis into the sleeve. By the way, with TPE, always use a water-based lubricant.
The sleeve feels pleasantly soft and warm and it is quite tight. With no mechanical movement or vibration, you could move the sleeve up and down by hand and orgasm with ease. But why would you? There are extra functions on it for a reason!
I was a bit skeptical about the vibration feature. After all, TPE is so soft and flexible, it’s known to absorb vibrations. But in this case, you do feel the vibrations, especially against the glans. It only makes an irritatingly high and sharp buzzing sound. The different patterns are all very pleasant and varied. Again; just by the vibrations and going up and down with your hand you would cum in no time!
But once the sleeve is securely fastened to the table or wall, you can also stand in front of it and let the mechanism do its work. The different patterns of this feature are all very pleasing and you can vary almost endlessly with vibrations and all the different mechanical modes. But again, it is mainly the sound of the mechanism that is anything but exciting.
Oh, but wait a minute. Those earbuds! In the same hole as where you have to insert the charger, you can also connect the earbuds. At first I heard nothing, but it soon became apparent that I had to push the little plug a little further. Now I heard the moaning of a woman’s voice, which later began to encourage me (in English) to fuck her hard. Although it sounded like it was coming from an adjacent room from an old AM radio, it at least quieted the hum and mechanical noise.
The light show isn’t really for me either. Why would you want to look at the mechanism through the little window while the light changes from orange, to green, to purple?
Cleaning and maintenance
Cleaning is very easy for the advanced masturbator user. You pull the sleeve out of the shell and turn it inside out with some force. Then you rinse it under the hot tap. Then you let it dry before turning it over again and putting it in the shell. The PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker is not waterproof, so be careful not to get water in the sleeve.
By the way, the manufacturer recommends applying “revive powder. That would increase the life of the sleeve.
See, if the vibrator and mechanism made much less noise, I would be wildly enthusiastic. After all, the feeling of the vibrations and the milking motion is super. If you have roommates and think you can secretly make use of this masturbator, you’ll be disappointed. Instead of a window and a light show, I would have preferred if they had added sound dampening material to the sleeve. The earbuds might help. At least the moaning female voice distracts from the sound of the masturbator. I didn’t find the voice really horny, but again that had more to do with the sound quality.
In short, a great device that makes just a little too much noise. If you live alone then you don’t have to worry about anything.
The PROS of the PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker:
- A masturbator with vibrations and mechanical milk function in one device! Chapeau!
- Reasonable vibrations (humming)
- Tight sleeve made of soft and flexible material
- Mechanical milk movement
- Patterns of the vibrator and of the mechanism can be set separately and used simultaneously
- Suction cup is very strong and remains well on any smooth surface
- Set of cock rings included
- Irritating sounds from both the vibrator and the mechanism
- No instructions for use (other than the box)
- Light show and panting sounds over the headphones don’t add much
The Pipedream Extreme PDX Elite Vibrating Mega Milker Masturbator was offered to me by EasyToys in exchange for an honest review. This masturbator is available at EasyToys, on Bol.com and in our own NBRplaza shop.