Life is busy. You have your work, the kids, your friends, sports, housekeeping. And meanwhile you are supposed to make time for sex. The idea alone! Getting aroused can become problematic. But there is a solution, and that only costs you 2 minutes a day: Simmering!
Simmering: A two minute technique to nourish the erotic bond between two partners. Especially useful for couples that live a hectic life, but still want to have a close bond.
Difference in libido?
Many people assume that men want more sex than women. But in reality, one person just needs more time ti get ‘in the mood’ than another. Simmering can help. The idea is that you keep the erotic tension alive every day. Something like a continuous foreplay with clothes on, so when it does come to sex, you have a jump start.
The English word ‘simmering’, literally means something like slumber, or smolder. But it is also the name for a technique that sex therapist use for couples in a long term relationship. By building the sexual tension every day for a couple of minutes, you will be able to succeed – even after all those years – to have great sex.
The idea is that you have a very short ‘foreplay’ to turn each other on, without actually having sex. Even at moments when it is inappropriate or unpractical. Just because you can and because it is nice.
Just when you are off to go to work, you kiss your partner goodbye, but you pull him or her close to you and let your hands wander over breasts and buttock, while you bury your nose in your partner’s neck. Then you look at your watch and say “wow, I really have to go now”.
Keep that fire burning
Many people only want to get aroused when they are about to have sex. They start making love from some kind of point zero and have difficulty getting turned on. Even if they do want to have sex (desire), they just don’t get in the mood (excitement).
But, according to Dr. Stephen Snyder, a New York based sex therapist and author of the book ‘Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship‘, couples that keep each other constantly turned on are the happiest. They enjoy each other, even if it doesn’t lead to sex.
Simmering helps to cultivate an erotic atmosphere in a long lasting relationship. In a good relationship, there is more simmering than sex. This increases the bond partners have.
Tips for simmering
When you recognize that intimacy and arousal is more than penis-in-vagina (PiV) sex, you can keep the fire burning every day. For example:
- In stead of kissing each other goodbye casually before you go to work, or when you come home, simmer each other goodbye: hold each other longer. Look each other in the eyes. Enjoy the moment and the togetherness.
- Just imagine, in the middle of the day (for example when you wait for traffic lights or in an elevator), that you will have date tonight that could lead to sex. Fantasize how that could be. It doesn’t need to be explicit. Your fantasy can be about kissing, undressing, massaging, caressing, … Your daydream doesn’t even have to be about your own partner.
- Schedule sex, days in advance. Just put a big cross in your calendar and fantasize during that time what could happen. Make naughty hints towards your partner with regards to your date.
- Simmering is not the same as cuddling. Binge watching Netflix in each other’s arms, does not count as simmering. Quite the contrary. It takes away the tension.
- Some people are afraid to turn their partner on, because they think they are obliged to finish it off with an orgasm. But that is nonsense. It is nice to be aroused, even if it doesn’t necessarily leads to an orgasm.
- When you don’t have time for lengthy sex, you might have time for a couple of minutes of simmering each day. When the moment comes when you do have time, it will be much hotter.
- Simmering means no orgasm, no genitals rubbing against each other, and no ‘point of no return’. It is all about mild arousal. Nothing more.
Try it for a couple of days. It will do your sex live good.