It has become quite mainstream for women to use sex toys for masturbation. And they don’t even shy away from a cucumber or a banana, just like other stuff that is lying around in the house. But what about men? What can a man use, beside his hands, to achieve his peak? How easy is it to make your own sex toy?
Sex shop
Of course there is plenty for sale in any sex shop. Everybody knows the inflatable doll (great fun at a bachelor party), or the Fleshlight. But there’s more. Consider a cock ring. They clamp the blood circulation, resulting in a harder and more firm penis. There are different variations, even with vibrations. Or with all kinds of ‘add ons‘ to stimulate the prostate. And if you don’t like the design of most cock rings, there are also great looking ones from Lelo. Big fun are the Tenga eggs. These are shafts with different structures.
If you like anal stimulation there are dozens of toys for sale.
Handy-dandy-masturbation
But there is more. With a little imagination you can stick your dick into almost everything. But what does really feel great? What do you have at home for an hour (alright; 5 minutes) of divine self love? There are roughly four kinds of aids:
Liniments
Start by opening your bathroom cabinet. You can use all kinds of stuff to put on your penis, testicles and (if you like) anus. Start off with shampoo or shower gel that contains menthol. This causes a tingling sensation and also works as lube. If that is not enough, you can take it to a more extreme level, like tooth paste.
When choosing a random ointment, take the following into account: Always start off with a tiny amount. Sometimes the sensation can be extreme (tiger balm) and you can’t just wash it of. Other liniments are just a plain mess. Especially grease (Vaseline, Nivea) are hard to wash off. Use plenty of soap and repeat 3 or 4 times. That’ll teach ’em. Don’t forget your balls and anus! They are possibly even more sensitive for stimulation than the head of the penis. You can even try pushing some in your anus, but be very careful and use only small amounts.
Artificial vaginas
Everything containing a hole, or where you can create a hole, can theoretically be uses as an artificial vagina. Even apple pie.
But every man that has ever tried it, knows that it isn’t as easy as you might think, to find something that emulates the feeling of a vagina. What is tight, moist and soft? This quest brings out the MacGyver in some men. They make some kind of Fleshlight of a rubber glove, a Pringles can and a couple of sponges. But there are simpler ways. With fruit for example. It’s perfectly safe (unless you decide to do it at the vegetable department of your local supermarket). Take an orange. Literately. Cut off the skin on the top and the bottom. Make a hole with your finger (at the point where the parts are attached). Now stick in your penis. Enjoy (and it smells great too)!
Banana peel is also great. Take the banana out of its skin (try just to make one opening) and put your penis where the fruit was. The same goes for the skin of a kiwi. Or you can hollow out a cucumber.
A variant is the ‘banana-pancake’. Take a couple of bananas out of their skin. Do these around your penis and tie them together with a piece of cloth.
Pickled bell peppers (from a jar) have a structure that is similar to that of a vagina. Raw meat (a steak, chicken breast, liver and even squid) can also be used (but is more expensive then a sex toy). A melon is also soft on the inside, but the skin is rather hard and the inside gets smashed too easily.
You may try cheap factory bread that you can buy in any supermarket. Make a small hole in the bag and in the bread. Add some water and …
Or fill a condom with lube (or soap) and use that as an artificial vagina. You might want to consider a condom with ridges. Put it inside out, et voilá!
Forget the vacuum cleaner. The nurses on the E.R. of any hospital can tell you why. The suction is way to strong.
Vibrations
Of course you can use a vibrator. But all devices that vibrate can do the trick. Consider your (old) electronic tooth brush. Put the head to your sensitive areas and enjoy. Of your electronic razor. And even your speaker or sanding machine can produce pretty intense vibrations.
Inserting
Just like a woman, you can insert different foodstuff. Yup, in your ass. Consider ice cubes. Or some tooth paste. Be very careful. You should be able to take it out at some point.
In short, if you use your imagination, there is plenty of stuff that you can use for your daily masturbation routine. And you don’t have to be embarrassed. Trust me, your not the only one that feels like a change every now and then.
UPDATE: This post was first published in Dutch a couple of years ago. Short after its release, the following movie was posted on YouTube:
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