We are already a couple of weeks into August without talking about this month’s international theme: Anal August. Is that a thing, you ask? Yes indeed! For many, anal sex is still a taboo subject. Why really? Everyone can enjoy when the anus is involved in sex. Regardless of sexual orientation, regardless of gender and regardless of your experience. It is a matter of discovering what is comfortable for you and how far you want to go. And it is important that you are familiar with some Anal Basic Concepts (ABC).

Why engage in anal sex?

Quite a few people have an aversion to anal sex. ‘It’s an exit, not an entrance,’ is a common saying. Also, many men are afraid that anal sex is only for homosexuals. Try being more open-minded and not too quick to judge.

The main reason to try anal sex is that there are a huge number of nerve endings around and in the anus, which – when properly stimulated – can provide enormous pleasure. In men, the prostate can also be stimulated through the anus, which can trigger explosive orgasms. In women, the wall between the vagina and anus is so thin, that when properly stimulated, even the G-spot can be hit.

In short, anal sex is an addition of extra erogenous zones that can enrich the sex life, both in solo sex and sex with a partner.

Anal sex: when are you (not) doing it right?

If anal sex is painful, you are not doing it right. Unless it is your intention, no sexual act should be painful and unpleasant. Including anal sex. There are numerous ways to make anal sex comfortable, painless and extremely pleasurable.

Unlike the vagina and penis, the anus does not produce fluid when sexually stimulated. Moreover, the sphincter is a strong muscle that will tighten if you are not sufficiently relaxed. These two properties of the anus are important to remember, because it means that you should A) ALWAYS make sure you use enough lubricant and B) make sure your sphincter – and therefore its owner – is completely relaxed.

What is anal sex anyway? Types of anal sex

With anal sex, many people (wrongly) think of butt fucking (penis in the butt). But anal sex is, of course, much more. Anal sex can also be about going along the anus with a fingertip, without going inside. Or that you go inside the anus with just the fingertip. You can also lick the anus, or insert a special anal toy. Moreover, if you combine this with another form of sex (fingering, licking, sucking, fucking), it can provide extra excitement.

A. Lube, lube, lube

Because the anus does not moisten itself, it is a must to use lubricant. This reduces friction and prevents small tears in the skin. Lubricant makes penetration (from a finger, a penis, or a toy) feel comfortable.

You can use all sorts of things as lubricant: massage oil, baby oil, hand cream, mild soap, coconut butter, olive oil … there is always something in the house that glides. But such agents often contain oil, which can damage a latex condom, making it unsafe. Also, such lubricants sometimes contain ingredients that can negatively affect intestinal flora. For once, this is not so bad, but if you do it regularly, it can lead to complaints.

It is better to buy lubricant intended for (anal) sex. There are two types of lubricant for anal sex:

1. Water-based lubricant. Most lubricants are water-based. This is because the ingredients are cheaper, keeping these kinds of lubricants affordable. A major disadvantage of water-based lubricant is that it is less thick and is quickly absorbed by the skin. As a result – especially for anal use – you need to apply it liberally and sometimes reapply it after 5 minutes or so. The advantage is that you can easily rinse it off under the tap. There is also water-based lubricant specifically for anal use. This is thicker than lubricant for vaginal use.
2. Silicone-based lubricant. This type of lubricant has a different composition. It feels softer and thicker, does not dry out quickly, is not absorbed by the skin and thus remains effective for a long time. It can usually be used safely with latex condoms. Moreover, it leaves the skin feeling soft and smooth, which sometimes makes it suitable as a massage oil. A downside is that it is more difficult to wash off and can also stain your bedding. There are lots of types and brands of silicone-based lubricants, including those specifically for anal use.

Beware of lubricant that numbs. This seems like a good idea in anal sex, but the opposite is true. Pain is your body’s way of signalling that something is not going well. If you numb the anus, you might not realise you are damaging it. My advice: don’t use it!

Read my blog on the 8 best anal lubricants with more tips here.

B. Relax!

As mentioned, the sphincter is a strong muscle that needs to be completely relaxed for pleasurable anal sex. This is why it is very important to take your time. Anal sex is nothing for a quickie. Nor can you push a huge dildo in from out of the blue. Your body – and especially the sphincter muscle – will cramp if you try to push in something new or big. Therefore, you need to let your sphincter muscles get used and relaxed first. It helps if you feel sexy and are completely relaxed and aroused before doing anything to the anus.

Start with a massage. Touch the anus with a phalanx. Give kisses or licks around the area of the anus. Always start small, like a phalanx, or a small toy like a small butt plug or anal beads. If it is not easy, then you are not ready.

C. Communication

Always communicate well with each other about what feels comfortable and when it starts to get painful. Better yet; start communicating long before the first touch. If you would like to experience anal sex, talk about it with your partner. What would you like to try? Are you willing to not only give it, but also receive it? Where is the limit? What keeps your partner from trying it? Can you think of something that would be acceptable to try?

Be careful what you put in the anus

Because the sphincter will contract, anal penetration (with the penis) feels very nice to the penis owner. But beware. That action of the sphincter also causes objects to be sort of ‘sucked’ into the anus. Before you know it, an object is in the anus and you can’t get it out. Avoid a trip to the emergency room.

Make sure anal sex toys have a wide base that keeps the toy from slipping all the way in. (Read all about the shape of a butt plug here).

Cleaning, yes or no?

Another reason why people don’t like anal sex is poo. There, I said it. The intestines contain poo. So if you put something in the anus, there’s always a chance of poo coming out. True.

Of course, you can use an anal douche (enema) beforehand to rinse your bowels clean. While that reduces the chances of poo coming along on what goes into the anus, it is still not completely out of the question. After all, your bowels continue to produce even after you use an enema. Read all about using an anal douche here.

Another way to deal with the ‘poop issue’ is to use a condom. The poo gets attached to the condom and you take it off after use and throw it away. You can also put a condom on your toy.

Or you just set yourself up for poop. Just go to the toilet before having (anal) sex. Take a shower afterwards (a good idea anyway) and that will solve 95% of the problem. Will some poo still come along? This is very natural and you wash it off very easily. Is there some poo on your finger, toy, or penis? So what? Have a nice shower together, laugh about it and there’s nothing else to worry about.

Best positions for anal

Anal is more than just butt fucking. So think about what you want to do. Keep in mind what I said earlier about being relaxed. In short, your position should be such that the receiving party can relax completely and you have good access to the anus for what you want to do.

For rimming (anal-oral), different positions are better than for penetration. The spooning position and doggystyle are great positions for anal. A ‘speed bump’ can also help.

Read more

Want to know more about anal sex? Then also read these blog posts on NBRplaza:

• Pegging: 7 tips to do your boyfriend anally
• Anal Orgasms
• How do you use an anal douche (enema) and why?
• The 8 best anal lubricants
• Everything you need to know about anal hooks
• Cock rings with a butt plug: what are those and how to use them?
• Rimming: oral / anal contact – yes or no?
• How to perform a double penetration
• 10 best prostate massagers for the modern man
• Why every woman should treat her man to a prostate massage (and how)
• How to choose a prostate stimulator in 10 easy steps
• 10 things everybody should know about anal sex

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