Question: “My girlfriend wants me to put my hand around her throat. Not only when we have sex, but also when we kiss. Is that normal?”
It’s not the question whether it is normal or not, but ‘is it safe?’ And the answer is ‘NO!’. Don’t do it, stop it, it is way to risky!
Erotic asphyxiation: what is it?
Erotic asphyxiation, asphyxiophilia is a form of sex in which you reduce the amount of oxygen to the brain by strangulation in order to induce arousal.
Erotic asphyxiation is also called breath control play, in the context of BDSM. There are people that perform breath play on themselves while masturbating. This is called autoerotic asphyxiation.
The dangers of erotic asphyxiation
It is a dangerous, if the not THE most dangerous form of sex. Many people that have tried it and did not live to tell about it, because they either died during the act, or because they suffer from severe brain damage as a result. In the USA erotic asphyxiation such as hanging, or other risky autoerotic sex acts, lead to 500 to 1,000 deaths each year. There are a couple of famous people who have also died in the act of erotic asphyxiation, such as Michael Hutchence (lead singer Inxs), Kevin Gilbert (Sheryl Crow’s ex-boyfiend), Emile Zola (writer) and David Carradine (actor).
The kick that arises comes from blood that enters the brain with a decreased oxygen level. In reality, the ecstasy is a form of your body telling you that the brain is dying and that your body will stop if you don’t quit. But some people experience excitement due to the danger and total surrender to their partner.
The orgasm will only increase (if at all), when the brain really is out of oxygen. And that happens in the part of the brain that needs to decide ‘this is enough, it;s time to loosen the noose‘. Exactly the lack of oxygen ensures that you will not be capable of making the right decision or to move. It is a matter of only seconds. And what are two seconds if you are just having an orgasm? Even an experienced partner can easily make a bad judgement and it will be too late to untie the victim.
If asphyxiation truly excites you, try talking about it, fantasizing about it, or act out a roll play. Your partner could hold her breath while you slightly hold her throat without force. Or you can try to find other acts in which she must be submissive.
But for God’s sake, do not try using stranglehold her, tighten a scarf, or reduce her breath. You will not be the first person to kill his partner and tragically ends up in jail.
“We have been doing this for years, so we know how far we can go”, she thought …
Even, or especially with experienced erotic asphyxiation practitioners, things often go wrong. If your partner dies in the act, because you didn’t stop in time, it will leave tremendous marks in yourself and your environment. Often, it is very difficult to prove that it was just a minor sexual misstep, unless you video taped the entire thing, and you can prove you have done it dozens of times successfully before this unfortunate event.
IN short: Don’t do it. Do. Not. Do. It.
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