Even if you like vanilla, adding speckles and whipped cream every now and again can spice things up. I was talking about ice cream. But you can also easily spice up vanilla sex, without it getting downright kinky.
Conventional sex is also referred to as vanilla sex by some disparagingly. It’s the opposite of kinky sex. The name vanilla sex refers to vanilla as a standard flavor, without extras, in ice cream. There is absolutely nothing wrong with vanilla sex, as long as you and your partner can both agree with it.
Yet it is quite possible that you sometimes want something different than always that same old positions. And then it is good to know that there are quite a few possibilities to make a ‘normal’ sex life hot, without extreme kinky fetishes.
Below we give you some tips to make vanilla sex exciting.
Sometimes you can make sex more fun without sex. For example by just talking about it. Consider a scenario that excites both of you. For example, taking a bath together, or giving each other a massage. Take your time and imagine how that scenario could unravel. Don’t forget the details.
If you find it too thrilling to have the conversation face-to-face, you can also do it via WhatsApp or DM. The fantasy can also be about something that you may never have done, or might never want to do, such as a threesome, or having sex in public.
Photo, video, or audio
Sending each other juicy messages can really get you and your partner in the mood. Think of an intimate photo, a short movie, or an audio recording of the sounds you make while masturbating.
Especially audio messages are more accessible for many people. Plus, you have your hands free to play with yourself. Often your moans are enough to turn your partner on, but don’t rule out dirty talk. Or, read a hot paragraph from a book out loud.
Watching other people have sex can be very arousing. Look for porn videos that appeal to both of you. That could also be just vanilla porn. Many people are visual and sometimes porn can be inspiring.
If it feels uncomfortable to watch porn together, you can also share links to videos you’ve found and found exciting. Ask your partner to send you videos too. This way you learn what turns your partner on and maybe you can reenact a few things from those videos?
If you have read ‘Fifty Shades’, then you may have also come across the BDSM contract? Consider making a vanilla variety on this. Proceed as follows:
Make a list with 4 columns. In the first column you write down as many sexual acts as possible. Above the second column you put ‘love to’, above the third ‘maybe’ and above the fourth ‘no’. Now put crosses or your name with each action in the applicable column. So for example:
|1. Oral sex|
|2. Lick chocolate body paint off each other|
Now compare each other’s wishes. If you have both entered ‘please’ for an action, you can give that a try. If one has said “please” and the other “maybe,” then you have a topic to talk about. If one of the two has filled in ‘no’, then that is an action that cannot be discussed.
List as many activities as possible, including things that may seem obvious. The longer the list, the more you are forced to think outside the box.
Repeat this exercise every few months, because new experience can stimulate and change your need and your curiosity.
It is a given that if you ‘take away’ a sense, another sense works stronger. For example, if you put on a scarf or a blindfold, you will perceive smell, sound and touch more strongly.
If you don’t like that at all, you can also do other sensory experiments. For example, pet your partner with a silk cloth, or place scented candles in the room.
A massage is the ultimate way to be intimate. You don’t even have to have sex at all. However, one thing quickly leads to another … Use warm massage oil, or a towel that you have moistened and heated in the microwave (be careful: do not overheat, or let it cool down a bit). Or use special massage candles, the melted candle wax of which is suitable as a massage oil.
Even if you don’t like rough sex, you can give it that little bit of extra by biting (gently) every now and then during intercourse, or by putting your nails in your partner’s buttocks or back. Especially if you are already a bit excited, this soft pain can feel extra nice.
Outside the bed
Try not to have sex in bed for once. I deliberately didn’t say ‘outside the bedroom’. No, try doing it on a chair or a fitness ball. Sit on your partner’s lap, as a variation on ‘spooning‘ or ‘cowgirl‘ positions. The top person has more control over pace and depth of penetration in these positions.
Use sex toys
Sex toys have become so much more beautiful in recent years. Some don’t even look like a sex toy at all. As a result, they have become much less threatening.
By using a vibrator to stimulate, for example, the clitoris, nipples, anus or glans during sex with your partner, you can provide extra stimulation.
Also try a lubricant with additives, for extra warming or cooling stimuli.
Foreplay without hands or mouth
Try to turn each other on without hands or mouth. That way, you have to use your creativity to turn your partner on. For example, use other body parts, such as the tip of your nose, your feet, or your chest. Combine that with one of the other tips in this list (such as the blindfold or massage oil).
Focus on the nipple
The nipples are a underprivileged erogenous zone. It is a sensitive spot in both men and women. Lick, kiss, bite, rub, squeeze. And you may even be able to induce an orgasm just by stimulating the nipples.
Many vanilla sex practitioners tend to think of chains and ropes and extreme kinky things when it comes to bondage. But it can also be much less intimidating. Instead of handcuffs, you can also use a scarf or a piece of clothing to reduce your partner’s range of motion. For example, pull a sweater over your partner’s head, but leave it around the arms.
Take vanilla sex all the way to the next level by making it over the top vanilla. For example, work as slowly as possible and build it up as erotically as possible. Focus on every moment, every touch. And try to delay your orgasm for as long as possible.
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