The anus. It’s that little hole you use to defecate with. And yet it teems with nerve endings that – if stimulated in the right way – can provide unprecedented pleasure. And because it is also somewhat taboo, it is exciting to play with. Still, many people find it exciting to start having anal sex. This is why I always recommend using a finger or fingertip first. But even then, it is important to proceed in the right way. Because that will make the difference between starting fun anal play or closing the back door for good.

Why finger yourself or your partner anally?

Everyone has an anus. And that anus is very sensitive because there are all kinds of nerve endings there. Stimulating them, possibly together with other forms of sexual stimulation, creates extra excitement. Yet it is not for everyone. For some, being near the exit of excrement is not a pleasant idea. And that’s fine. So to get started with anal sex, it is important to do so by mutual consent.

If you want to start having anal sex, a finger is the perfect start. Firstly, the finger is thin, making it quite easy to penetrate the anus. Furthermore, for the owner of the finger, it is much more intuitive than, say, a toy.

If fingering pleases, you can always go further with butt plugs, anal beads, prostate massagers, anal vibrators, or a penis.

Preparation

If you are planning anal fingering, consider making some preparations. Both the receiving party (the one with the anus) and the giving party (the one with the finger) can do a few things, to make anal fingering as pleasurable as possible.

For the giving party, it is important not to have long or sharp nails. The skin there is very thin and can be easily damaged. Wash your hands beforehand. If you want to cover your finger, use a rubber glove or condom.

The receiving party can go to the toilet a while beforehand to empty their bowels. There is no need to flush your bowels. The finger will not go deep enough to get into the area where there is poo. Simply washing is sufficient.

Furthermore, it is important for both of you to be relaxed. Put on some relaxing music, dim the lights, light a scented candle … whatever you are comfortable with.

Lube!

Make sure you have a good lubricant handy. The anus – unlike the vagina – does not produce its own lubricant. Therefore, penetrating the anus will be sluggish. There is special lubricant for anal sex. Although that is mainly meant for penetration with a toy or with a penis, it still can’t hurt to get it at home. This kind of lubricant is thicker and often contains caring ingredients. By using lubricant, you make it much more comfortable for the receiving party.

First arousal, then anal fingering

Before you start anal fingering, it is important that the receiving party is aroused. Only then will the anus be relaxed and you can go a step further. Massage the lower back and proceed to the buttocks. First, grope the area around the anus, such as the perineum (that little bridge between the balls and the anus, or between the vagina and the anus).

When the receiving party is aroused, make circular movements with the tip of your finger around the anus, getting closer and closer to the entrance. Put some lubricant on your finger and around the anus to make it even more comfortable. Now gently explore the area and pay attention to how the receiving party reacts. If you notice that they like it, then you can take it a step further.

The fingertip

Apply gentle pressure with the flat side of your fingertip against the anus. When the anus is relaxed, the sphincter will yield a little and you can gently insert the tip. Again; lubricant is recommended!

Don’t push. By applying gentle pressure, you will find that the anus will automatically allow the finger in. At least, if the receiving party is relaxed enough. If not? Then step back and continue with groping and stroking.

The second or third phalanx

Many people don’t necessarily like it when you make rapid thrusting movements with your finger. Much nicer is to gently increase the inward pressure. Gently bring in the two phalanx and then wait for a while until the receiving party is completely relaxed again. Do not withdraw the finger, but keep applying a little pressure.

Even when your finger is in all the way to the third phalanx, don’t make long in-and-out movements, but rather short slow thrusts. You can also make a gentle ‘come-hither’ movement to stimulate the prostate (for penis owners) or the A-spot (for vagina owners).

Experiment a little with your movements and ask what the receiving party likes.

Hygiene

Always wash your hands thoroughly after play. Also, make sure you NEVER go into the vagina with the finger that was in the anus. The bacteria from the anus can cause infection and cystitis. If necessary, use the left hand for the anus and the right for the vagina (or vice versa), but never the same hand/fingers.

Anal fingering is never done on its own

While it is very pleasurable when your anus is fingered properly, it is rarely enough to achieve orgasm. So consider anal fingering as something extra during oral sex (sucking or petting), manual sex (fingering or jerking off), or PiV sex (Penis in Vagina; in other words, fucking).

The ‘doggy style’ position in particular is excellent for simultaneous fingering of the anus. This is a kind of ‘double penetration for beginners’ and can be insanely exciting for both the receiver and the giver.

If you dare, when having oral sex, consider licking the anus as well. Believe me, it is much less gross than you think and for the receiving party, it is heavenly. Read all about oral-anal contact and the taste of the anus.

Communication

As with all forms of sex, anal fingering requires consent and communication. Discuss in advance what is and is not acceptable, and keep asking with some regularity during the act if what you are doing is okay. Especially if you are doing something new, or if you have been at it for some time.

Patience

Anal sex is enjoyable only when the sphincter is completely relaxed. This requires a lot of patience. If you are too hasty then it will be potentially painful for the receiving party. Not only is it no longer pleasurable at that point, chances are this will be the end of anal experimentation.

One step further with anal toys

If you enjoy anal fingering, you might want to take it a step further. You really don’t need to switch to extreme toys right away. Many anal toys are no thicker than a finger, but sometimes have some extra ‘features’ like thickening or the ability to vibrate.

Anal beads are great fun to start with. This is often a strand of silicone with thickenings (beads) attached. Usually these beads go from small to larger and larger. Take the beads out the moment your partner starts to cum and you will find that this enhances the orgasm enormously. Some of these anal beads also have the ability to vibrate.

A butt plug set contains butt plugs in different thicknesses. This allows you to experiment a little with what is comfortable and what is not. Pointed butt plugs are easier to insert, but are not comfortable to sit on (should you want to keep them in when you go to the cinema, for example). If you want to know more about the right shape of a butt plug, read this.

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