The term cyber sex is kind of outdated. Just like the negative connotations around it. But in reality, every day many people have cybersex and it can be a very nice and safe way to get sexual gratification.
What is Cyberseks?
Cyber sex is a from of virtual seks, in which partners only have contact through an internet connection.There is no physical contact, no bodily fluids are exchanged, but in contrast with porn there is personal and direct interaction.
During cyber sex, there is usually some form of 1 on 1 chatting through an internet connection, for example in a chatroom, Direct Messages on Twitter, WhatsApp, InstaGram, Snapchat or any other Social Media platform. But even sending each other emails with erotic content, counts as a form of cyber sex.
An emerging form of cyber sex is called teledildonics. With that, even your sex toy is in contact through an online connection, so you can mimic physical contact.
What is so great about cyber sex?
With cyber sex you can have an interactive sexual relation with someone, in a safe digital environment. You decide how far you want to go. Do you want to exchange photos, or (streaming) video, or do you prefer to use just text? With cyber sex you can explore your sexuality, live out fantasies, or get sexual gratification, without the need for physical contact. This makes it an excellent way to discover without any shame what it is that turns you on.
In cyber sex there is no need to be your self. You can act like someone else, with body characteristics that you don’t even have (like a six pack, or cup size double D). Especially when you are insecure, it may be wise to refrain from exchanging pictures. That may sound impersonal, but think of it as mysterious and sexy. However, don’t be a catfish. When you use an alias and the photo on your profile isn’t you, be clear about it from the very start.
The great thing about cyber sex is that there is someone else who responses to you. This way you get a clear idea of how people in real life will react on your fetish. You can let go to the fullest and still stay completely anonymous. Or you can apply cyber sex in a long distance relationship. And even when you see each other daily, cyber sex can be a great way of foreplay with your regular partner.
When my ex once asked me what it was that I liked so much about cyber sex, I replied that it was like reading an interactive book. Each story ends well and I also had a big influence on the plot. You can fill in all the details, especially when you only have contact through text. This makes it better than watching porn, because porn is never interactive.
Is cyber sex cheating?
Even those that have a long term relationship have cyber sex, and not always with their regular partner. If that counts as cheating very much depends on the definition you use for cheating and the kind of agreements you have with your partner.
You could consider cyber sex as a form of watching porn or reading erotica. For many people that is just innocent and not considered as cheating. In fact, it might even be a source of inspiration that could improve your sex life. When you think cheating means having physical contact, cyber sex sure is not.
However, the big difference with watching pron of course is there is in fact another person on the other end, even if there is no physical contact. This could result in an emotional connection. Would you have cyber sex if your partner knew? When you have to do it in secrecy, chances are your relationship of trust can be damaged. In that case it could harm your relationship.
Where to find cyber sex material?
Everyone with an internet connection can have cyber sex. Many different platforms allow you to get into contact with others for cyber sex activities. Some of these sites are commercial (like AdultFriendFinder.com) while others are in principal not meant, but often still used for cyber sex (like Twitter and Instagram).
It is quite simple to find a cyber sex partner through online dating sites, but even social media is a way to start with cyber sex very easily.
Do pay attention to your privacy and online safety. In an earlier blogpost, we gave a number of tip how you can ensure a safe online experience. In that post you can read how to guarantee your privacy and prevent yourself of becoming the victim of revenge porn.
Make sure your profile says exactly what you’re looking for. Use a profile picture and bio description that is clear and unambiguous, so others will immediately know what it is you are up to. Are you looking for a new partner in your life, or just for occasional online encounters? Do you like being approached, or rather not?
Look at profiles of others and start a conversation, like you would in a bar or a club. This way, you will find new people to have cyber sex experience with in an instance.
Cyber sex: how to do it well?
As soon as you have found the right platform to find cyber sex partners, and you have made sure you have created a safe environment for yourself, you can start having cyber sex in just a few clicks. Just as there is no manual for ‘normal’ sex, there is none for cyber sex either. You will get better by doing it a couple of times.
With cyber sex it is all about using your imagination. Let it run wild. Things that you may not say in a real relationship, can be said during cyber sex. Create your own scenario and use the vocabulary that fits.
If you’re not sure how to start, start off with a compliment. Involve yourself in that compliment, by saying how it makes you feel. For instance: “you have such beautiful lips. Women/men with such beautiful lips always draw my immediate attention”. Or, take it up a notch and describe what you would do: “I would so much like to kiss those lips’. In the beginning, be flirtatious, until you notice that the other one takes the bait. Then you can let go and become more sexual.
When you don’t use streaming video, the only way the other person can tell how you react, is by typing. Try to paint a clear picture with words. An important advice is to use all senses, even if it is only with words. Together you will create a fantasy; an interactive story that goes on only in your heads. The better you are capable of describing things, the better your cyber sex will be.
Just be careful with vulgarity. Not everyone can appreciate that. The hottest experience comes from accurate and meticulous descriptions of what is happening and by responding to what the other is typing. Emojis can be an important means to give your message a certain tone of voice. Don’t hold back on using those.
Cyber sex suggestions
Not sure how to approach this whole cyber sex thing? Try this:
- Truth or dare: Start of with a game, in which the other should tell the truth with regards to some question or dilemma. Alternate life questions (“what is it that makes you really happy in life”) wit h erotic questions (“describe your defloration”). When the atmosphere gets more relaxed, you can dare each other to do stuff, like ‘take a picture of your most sexy body part’ or ‘give me the link to the last porn video you watched’.
- Assignments: A very exciting way to have cyber sex, is to do exactly what the other one is telling you to do. Let the other one describe what body parts you should touch and which sexual actions you should take on yourself.
- Role playing game: One of the most memorable cyber sex experiences I once had, was when a woman responded to a picture of a mermaid I posted on Twitter. We had cyber sex, in which she played out the role of the mermaid. Put yourself in the shoes of a psychiatrist, a professor, a sexologist, an FBI agent, or a soldier on a mission in a far away country.
- Send pictures: No, not pictures of yourself, but erotic pictures you’ve found on the web. Describe what it is that you find arousing and if you have ever experienced it in real life.
- Describe what you are doing: Granted, it is difficult to text with one hand. But it can be very exciting, to describe how you are masturbating.
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