Everyone fantasizes about sex. This was already apparent during our own (non-scientific) research (Dutch). About 2 in 3 men and 1 in 3 women would like to put their fantasy into practice. Yet only 1 in 5 of the men and 1 in 4 of the women have ever performed their fantasy. That means that there is a gap between fantasy and reality. A gap that – with a little imagination – can be closed.
Is it all about fantasizing, or …?
It is striking that there is no relationship between how dissatisfied people are with their sex lives and the frequency with which they fantasize. When asked why the fantasy has not yet been put into practice, many people indicate that they just have no idea how to tackle it.
It all starts with communication. Few people talk about their deepest fantasies with their partner. Often because they think their imagination is different or strange. So let alone discuss with their partner how that fantasy can become reality.
At the top of our lists are BDSM, group sex, threesomes, anal, and oral. That we do not discuss these fantasies with our partner may be because we think that our partner is not on the same wavelength. And that could well be true. Perhaps your partner is indeed not waiting for a third person in bed or a penis in the anus.
And that is when sex toys can play a role.
The role of sex toys
Sex toys can fulfill various functions. This can vary from lust generator during foreplay, to completely new sensations that a partner alone could never fulfill.
Threesome or DP
Sex with more than one partner is a favorite fantasy for many people. And double penetration (DP) is sometimes part of that. This can mean that as a woman you fantasize about sex with two men, being penetrated by two penises at the same time, for example orally and vaginally at the same time. Or anal and vaginal. Or even two penises simultaneously in the same orifice. It may also be that as a man you fantasize about sex with a man and a woman, where the man penetrates you anally while you are busy with the woman. Hey, it’s your fantasy. Do whatever you want.
Yet few people dare to make this fantasy come true. Usually that is because it is quite a step to invite a stranger (or acquaintance) into the bedroom. All kinds of feelings of jealousy can come into play. Not to mention the practical objections. Because, where do you find someone like that?
The fantasy of multiple partners is one of the fantasies that is fairly easy to fill in with the help of sex toys. For example, did you know that there are dildos that you can attach to a penis? On the picture on the right you see a special anal dildo with rings that go around the man’s penis and balls. It is only 2.5 cm in diameter, making it very suitable for anal. This way you can get penetrated vaginally and anally with one partner at the same time.
But even if you as a man dream of a threesome with two women, there are nice solutions that do not necessarily require a third person. What to think of satisfying your partner orally while she is moving an artificial pussy over your penis? Also perfect for when your partner just doesn’t feel like having PiV (Penis in Vagin) sex. There are really hundreds of these types of masturbators for sale and not only with artifical vaginas. Artificial mouths, artificial asses or even vibrating masturbators come in all sorts of variants.
Many people also have a fantasy that has to do with dominance, submission, power games, bondage or (mild) pain. Believe me, there are more people than you think that sometimes have such fantasies. Only, it can be difficult to discuss this with your partner.
This is often because there are misunderstandings about BDSM. People who have no experience with kinky sex, think of dungeons with men and women clothed in leather and rubber, who beat each other with chains. But you can experience BDSM in a much less extreme way.
For example, there are very nice beginner packages available with accessible toys. For example, start with a set of wrist cuffs with Velcro and an eye mask. These types of sets are often very affordable and can be used to get the conversation going (“look, honey, I have a surprise. What would you say if we …”).
Break the routine
For many people, fantasizing is also a way to break the routine. Over time, sex has become predictable and that is the death blow to horniness.
In fact, there is no better way to break the routine than by introducing a sex toy. Because with a vibrator – to name one – you can experience completely new sensations. Sensations that you could hardly generate as a person. Simply because the mechanism of a vibrator is unique.
For example, consider a couples vibrator. And when they say ‘couples’, they mean a straight couple consisting of a woman and a man.
You can of course use all vibrators together, but couple vibrators are specially designed to stimulate him and her simultaneously. The most famous couple vibrators are the so-called U-shaped vibrators, such as the We-Vibe Sync, but you can also think of vibrating penis rings, such as a Tenga Smart Vibe.
You can also spice things up by wearing a vibration egg and giving the remote control to your partner. Now go to a romantic restaurant or an exciting movie together. If that isn’t hot!
Think outside the … uhm … box
If you have had a fantasy for a while and you find it difficult to put it into practice, consider the possibilities that sex toys offer you. There is so much to buy that there is always something that at least comes close to your imagination.