Grinding & Scissoring

Grinding against each other. Maybe you associate this with the bike shed in high school, or teen parties in the attic? Too bad. Because rubbing against each other is terribly exciting, no matter how old you are.

Grinding and scissoring? What do you mean exactly?

When I talk about grinding and scissoring, I mean that at least one person rubs his or her genitals against another person or an object in order to become sexually aroused.

That means you can do all of this, solo against a pillow, an armrest, your hand, a teddy bear, or maybe even against a spinning washing machine.

Or you do it together with someone else (with consent, because we are not talking about sneaking into someone in a crowded subway). If you grind and scissors with a partner, it can be done with or without clothes on. You can rub the genitals together (without penetration), or you can rub your genitals against your partner’s leg, hand, hip, chest, face, or any other part of their body.

There are many synonyms for grinding and scissoring; outercourse (as the antonym of ‘intercourse’), tribadism or tribbing (vulva against vulva), scissoring (naked tribbing), dry humping, pitchforking (penis against penis), … The amount of synonyms indicates that it is an activity worth mentioning. Right?

Scissoring and grinding is therefore not a position, but an activity. One where you rub your genitals together until orgasm follows. This can be done lying down, but also standing.

Why is grinding and scissoring awesome?

Three quarters of vulva owners can experience an orgasm alone or more easily if they stimulate their clitoris. Especially if you rub against someone or something with your clothes on, you get indirect stimulation of the clitoris and vulva, without overstimulation (to the point where it becomes irritating or downright painful). It is also a form of sex that is excellent to perform when you menstruate and therefore prefer not to have penetration or oral sex.

Penis owners also love grinding and scissoring. Not surprising, when you consider that almost all forms of sex are aimed at rubbing the penis in general and the glans (and frenulum) in particular. Even if your partner has a penis, as a penis owner you can enjoy grinding and scissoring.

Also for transgender people, or people with gender dysphoria, grinding and scissoring – with clothes on – can be a solution, because they can experience an orgasm without having to reveal their genitals.

Furthermore, it is safe to have sex with clothes on. It is much more difficult (not entirely impossible, by the way) to get pregnant or to transmit a venereal disease in this way.

Tips for great grinding and scissoring

If you are still in doubt, or are not entirely sure how to do this, take the following tips into account:

I you do keep your clothes on, dress for the occasion!
Which clothes you wear (and keep on) can make a difference. Different fabrics feel different. Denim and jeans create a lot of friction, especially because there is often a seam in the crotch (or a thick fly at the site of the penis). Silk is smooth and slippery. Tight leggings or sweatpants give you plenty of room to move.

Lube up!
If you decide to ride naked against each other, a little bit of lube can work wonders. It reduces (annoying) friction. Personally, I am a big supporter of lubricant with an additive, such as a warming or cooling lubricant.
Wear a butt plug.
A butt plug can add something extra for everyone – regardless of gender or orientation. Especially with grinding and scissoring it provides even more stimulation. My partner (female) and I (male) regularly wear butt plugs during foreplay and grinding. Even when we go out. During dancing we rub against each other’s legs and then we really get into the mood. It even happens that we grind against each other in a corner until we have an orgasm.
Vibrations.
A vibrator can also provide extra fun for rubbing and grinding – or perhaps even more so. Especially a wand vibrator, such as the LELO Smart Wand Large, the Europe Wand, or a Doxy, can easily be held between your bodies. Even with your clothes on, the vibrations are deep enough to penetrate.
If either of you (or both) has a vagina, a vibrating egg is great too. Read the review of the Lovense Lush. There are also vibrators that you can put in your panties, for extra clitoral stimulation. You can easily control these types of vibrators with a remote control or an app.
Location, location, location.
Of course you can bump into each other at home on the couch in front of the TV while watching Bridgerton on Netflix. But let’s face it, doesn’t grinding get much more fun while dancing at a party, in a corner in the bar or club, or during a concert?