Many people have a bucket list; a list of things to do before they die. Some people however, have a fucketlist. This includes sexual acts that they would like to do once in their lifetimes. Usually, this is not a list of vanilla stuf. And that is why we discuss the most special things that people have on their fucketlist. In this episode we will discuss ‘sex with a trans’.
Beyond the taboo?
The terms transgender, trans and transsexual are often used interchangeably. Transgender people are people who experience that their body and sex they received at birth and their gender as they experience, do not match. This can be a man in a woman’s body, or vice versa. These people want to be themselves and some people actually decide to do something about it, for example through plastic surgery. The transition process is difficult for that person on all fronts. The word transsexual is considered offensive by some people because medical science used this word in the past to indicate that these people had a mental disorder. That is why I use the word ‘trans’ in this blog.
It seems that dating a trans is no longer as taboo as it used to be. Trans persons are more accepted. And although there is still a long way to go, we are on the right track. But what about people who want to have sex with, or have a fetish for, trans people?
Why do straight men fantasize about trans women?
Little research has been done into the erotic fantasies of (straight) men about sex with a (male to female) trans woman. In one study, 16 men who had had sex with a trans woman were asked about their experiences. THat study showed that there were several themes that particularly appealed to these men. Those themes were mainly about the erotic desire for the trans woman’s femininity, or having sex with a woman with a penis, despite the fact that the man in question identified himself as straight. This was a combination of both physical and mental aspects. The fantasy was built around an ‘illusion’ of femininity.
Another study found that the men in question often objectified the bodies of the trans. In other words, the men were concerned with the physical appearance (the anatomy of a woman’s body with a penis) and not with the person in the body.
But sometimes the appeal is more complex. It is also possible that a man is attracted to a woman who happens to be trans. He does not fantasize about trans women as a group. Or, he’s attracted to people who don’t believe in the male-female binary concept. It also happens that the imagination of the men first focuses mainly on the physical and then an emotional bond develops. Men also see it as a way to discover their own sexuality.
A trans fetish or potential partner material?
It is important for the trans person to distinguish between someone who is only ‘passionate’ about anatomy and someone who is open minded about gender in general. Because how do you determine whether someone who wants to have sex with you belongs to one or the other group? They may behave the same on the surface.
The trans fetishist will be looking for a fuck buddy. He may be married and is only looking for an adventure. Their interest will mainly focus on the physical. They are not interested in an emotional connection, but in ‘chicks with dicks‘. If both parties agree, there is nothing wrong with that in itself.
Fortunately, there are also plenty of men who are interested in the person. It can be difficult for the trans to distinguish a fetishist from possible partner material.
Problematic or not?
But what about men who are erotically attracted to trans women with a penis, the way others are attracted to women with long red hair? Can you also simply be sexually attracted to trans persons, without it being problematic?
Not every trans woman is happy with the penis attached to her body. The fact that someone has a specific interest in just that part of the body can be annoying. But that does not apply to all trans women. It can be nice for everyone – trans or not – if someone worships their body. Trans people often deal with people who see them as ‘freak’ and who detest them. Precisely then it can be pleasant if someone confirms that your body is just great.
Yet trans women generally prefer to ignore the so-called ‘chaser’ as much as possible. They don’t want to be an item on your fucketlist. On the other hand, they prefer a date with someone who also wants to introduce them to their friends and has no problem with their penis. So they want someone who has a preference for the penis, but rather not someone who has a fetish for it.
Don’t be a trans chaser
A rule of thumb that you can use when dating – no matter what gender or orientation you have is: don’t be a rude dick.
And rule two is: treat the other person as you wish to be treated yourself.
A chaser prioritizes anatomy, not the person. He just really really really wants sex with a trans and then forgets that there is also a person in that body.
You don’t have to be a chaser to be an admirer and enthusiast. The difference lies in the priority for humans. Immerse yourself in the world of trans women. Don’t be afraid of being seen as a chaser. After all, isn’t everyone who’s looking for casual sex a chaser? As long as you show that you look beyond the tits and cock, you’re fine.