It seems simple: fingering. Still, we get a lot of questions with regards to satisfying a woman manually. What are the intricacies to make her completely nuts and give er that smashing and toe curling orgasm? What spots shouldn’t be forgotten and where are they located exactly? How fast, or how slow, which movements and should you focus on the exterior or the interior?
We of NBRplaza wouldn’t be of NBRplaza if we wouldn’t tell you everything there is to know.
How not to finger
The biggest complain women seem to have is that men ‘just do anything’. They just grab around aimlessly and scratch their nails like they are grating cheese. Another mistake is that men go straight at their target. They push a finger in, before she has even got the chance to get wet. And other men are way to slow. They seem to hang around in the front porch without ever hitting the hot spots.
If there is one thing that is crucial, it is lube: always make sure your fingers are well lubed. You can wet your fingertips with the moist of her vagina (if she’s wet already) or by putting them in your mouth. Or her mouth. Or consider using a good lube.
Finger foreplay
It is of the utmost importance that a woman is at ease and can fully relax in order to get aroused. We could write a complete blogpost about foreplay (trust us: we will), because foreplay includes everything you do to bring her in the mood. So if you think fingering is foreplay, you got it wrong.
Send her messages, give her compliments, massage, stroke, kiss, caress, fondle her arms, face and hair, and explore her complete body from over her clothes. Don’t miss a single spot and slowly work your way up to the holy grail: her pussy.
Make it an exiting journey. Toch the area around her vulva. Blow softly against her labia, pull softly at her pubic hair, rub your full hand against the outer labia, carefully spread the inner labia.
As soon as a woman gets distracted, it may well be that you’d have to start all over again. And getting distracted could be from just about anything:
- She can feel insecure about her body: Give her compliments. Tell her how beautifull she is, how soft her skin is, how well she smells.
- She could be stressed from work: Do something to make her mind free of stress. Often a massage helps. Put on some music, dim the lights. For some women this doesn’t work, however. For them, it is best to come up with the element of surprise. That could be just about anything and you’d have to know her for that. Is she a bit (or a lot) submissive? Spanking, or playing it rough could work.
- Prevent the children are playing in the other room, the television is on Saterday Night Live, or that your phone is making noises whenever there is a new message coming in. Such noises could distract her from what the moment is really supposed to be about.
Tempo and sensitivity
Whether you should go slow depends on the mood of the woman and the situation. It requires empathy to sense the right tempo. Pay attention to the following signals:
- Her breath will accelerate if she becomes aroused. And she will inhale deeper and her breath will be more audible.
- The blood flow in her skin will increase. You may be able to detect red spots in her face or neck.
- Her nipples will erect.
- She will twist her pelvic area, arch her back or push her body against you.
Now, every woman is different and may respond different in several situations. But by paying attention to her reaction, you may be able to tell whether you should hold back or continue.
The same accounts for fingering. Built up the tempo slowly and work towards the climax. A woman often needs the same pace for quite a long time to be able to orgasm. Try to find that tempo and keep it for a while (some minutes).
Mapping the clitoris
The clitoris is for women what the glans is for a man: the most sensitive area of the genitals. The tricky thing is, that it is somewhat hidden and in some cases really small. And the sensitivity of her clitoris may differ from day to day.
A technique you may want to use is ‘mapping’; touching and caressing the area around the clitoris. If you pay attention, you will notice what areas she likes and which are the ones to avoid. Often the tip is a spot to avoid and the areas around is the place to be.
Especially in the beginning, you can’t be gentle enough. Tease her with soft slow touches. You can always speed up.
Just like the glans, the clitoris is very sensitive. Stroking too hard can feel raw and raspy, rather than pleasurable. Stoke her from the top down. Place one or two fingers above the clitoral hood and push them down until just below the clitoris. Lift your fingers up and place them above the clitoris. Repeat. You can also ‘jerk her off’ by moving the clitoral hood up and down the clitoris between your thumb and index finger.
Another way to prevent overstimulating the clitoris, is by circling around it with your fingertips. If you’re not sure what tempo to use, try this: make 10 really slow circles round the clit, then 10 fast ones and then 10 slow ones again. Experiment with the speed. Keep doing this until she is so aroused you can finish her off with fast circles.
And you can play the ‘clock game’. Slowly circle around her clitoris and discover her sensitive spots. Usually they are at ’10’ and at ‘2’.
Oh wait. Have we mentioned the importance of lube? Don’t forget to re-lube your fingers every now and then, with her own moist, saliva or lube. Don’t forget!
To penetrate or not to penetrate, that is the question
Once she is aroused, you can slide one or two fingertips against the vaginal opening. Feel if she is wet and if she positions herself for you to slide in your finger. Don’t be afraid to ask, if she would like you to slide a finger in.
Or just tease her a bit by going in with one finger bone and then continue with whatever it was you were doing. Repeat this and go in a little deeper. At a certain point she may tilt her pelvis in a way that begs you to slide your fingers in. Let your fingers get ‘sucked in’ and consider using your thumb or your other hand to keep stimulating the clitoris.
Or not. Some women prefer the stimulation of the clitoris over penetration. That is perfectly OK. It is all about her.
The G-spot
The major advantage of penetration with your fingers, is that you have more control over the way you stimulate her interior. A woman has different sensitive spots inside her vagina and by stimulating them correctly, it could cause an overwhelming orgasm. Some women are capable to squirt if you stimulate the G-spot correctly.
Some tips
If you know how to treat her well with your hands, she will adore you. Here are some tips to make you an expert:
- Make it kinky. Lick your fingers off for example, after she has cum. Show her you love it and kiss her, so she can taste herself.
- Finger her in public, for instance on a bench in the park, in the corner of the bar, under the table in a fancy restaurant or during driving.
- Use your mouth together with your fingers!
- Cut your nails.
- Mutually stimulate each other manually.
- Look at each other while you masturbate. This can give you some new insight, because you can see how she does it herself.
- Also practice safe sex wen you finger her.
- Try using a lube with tingling effect, like Durex Play Tingle. Or take it up a nudge with System Jo 9V or a big nudge with some toothpaste.
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