Anyone who has read the famous book ’50 Shades of Gray’ is aware of its existence (and that is about half humanity). But what is a BDSM contract, what is it for, what do you do with it and what are the advantages and disadvantages of such a contract?
What is a BDSM contract?
A BDSM contract is a written agreement, in which a dominant party agrees with a submissive party what power relationship exists. Sometimes the contract is very formal and covers multiple pages. Sometimes it is just a paragraph. Either way, both parties should stick to it, even if it has little legal value. Some BDSM relationships consider it as important as a marriage. That is why it is sometimes as much valued as a prenuptial agreement or a cohabitation contract.
Others take it less strictly. They see it as a list of activities that indicates the boundaries that the other person wants to explore. In general, there are the following contract types:
- Total Power Exchange contract: This contract has no limits. The slave has no right to say “no” and is at the mercy of the Master. Sometimes the slave can veto.
- Master/Slave contract: Slightly less strict than a Total Power Exchange contract. The slave gives up all his / her rights, but can indicate his / her limits.
- Dominant/Onderdanige contract: Formalization of the relationship, responsibilities and limits. The submissive can indicate what he / she wants and what not to try or finds acceptable. Dominants have less control over a submissive than Masters have over their slaves.
- Polyamorie contract: Agreements about the conditions of the open relationship.
- Seks contract: Agreements about wishes regarding sex toys and sexual acts.
There are also online contracts, for relationships that take place entirely over the internet, contracts where the submissive must behave as a pet (puppy or pony play), or a scene contract (only valid during a single scene).
The parts of a BDSM contract
A BDSM contract generally contains the following parts:
- Names and roles of the parties: who is the dominant, who is the submissive.
- Validity: how long is the contract valid. This can be a time period, but it can also be agreed under what conditions the contract can be terminated.
- Rules, duties and goals: both parties indicate what they are committed to.
- Limits: A contract usually contains a list of (sexual) acts, in which the contractors indicate whether they have experience with that act and whether they are willing to perform that act. Sometimes there is a gradation (0 = under no conditions, up to 5 = very much like).
- Signature.
The law
Although the contract cannot be considered legal and no rights can be derived from it (slavery has been formally abolished for several hundred years, so that does not help derive any rights from it either), it can certainly serve to show that both parties agreed to (extreme) sexual acts.
For example, if you imagine that the submissive has given permission for certain actions, a judge could take this into account when it comes to a lawsuit. This is quite difficult from a legal point of view. Because if there is permission, the perpetrator of (physical) damage can still be punishable if there is reckless behavior. Anyway, we are not lawyers, but a contract is therefore not a license to beat each other up.
Examples
Several example contracts can be found on the internet. More extensive contracts can be found here or here.
The benefits of a BDSM contact
The major advantage of a BDSM contract is that both parties have guidance on how to discuss their sexual needs. It can also strengthen the power relationship in the relationship. It makes clear where the boundaries lie, which should under no circumstances be exceeded. This gives both the submissive and the dominant grip during the BDSM game.
It is not necessary to have a contract and there are those who refuse to sign a contract. Sometimes signing a contract is also accompanied by a ceremony (for example, where the slave wears a collar).
The disadvantages of a BDSM contract
Sexual needs are constantly changing. Establishing that in a contract may be too static and may interfere with communication between parties (“Yes, but baby. It says here you want it, right?”). Also, however extensive, such contracts are never complete. Someone with a little imagination can always think of an action that is not on it.
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