There are a lot of stigmas on persons who are into bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism (or BDSM). Eventhough scientific research shows that BDSM is good for mental health, people still wonder if it is even possible for BDSM practitioners to have a healthy relationship. From a study in the US in 2013, it appeared that one third of therapists was not convinced that someone who practices BDSM is capable of a functional relationship. Still, a recent study shows that BDSM practitioners are satisfied with their relationship.
BDSM in a relation
There has been surprisingly little research into the quality of a relationship for people who practice BDSM. A recent study, that was published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy gives some insight. For this study, 163 people that practiced consensual BDSM and were in a relationship were questioned. Participants were recruited through FetLife.
Most participants were heterosexual (53%) or bisexual (31%), and they were mostly in some kind of consensual non-monogamous relationship (32% was polyamorous, 21% was in an open relationship). Participanten were submissive (32.5%), dominant (29%), or “switch” (20%).
In order to measure the quality of the relationship, participants were asked to fill in the Dyadic Adjustment Scale. This is a method to measure whether or not a couple is in a distressed or a non-distressed relationship. The conclusion of this research was that BDSM practitioners have an average score on this test. This means that they are in the non-distress zone. There was no difference between men and women, nor between their role (submissive or dominant).
The research also shows that BDSM practitioners scored high on the scale of satisfaction on their relationship, and relationship cohesion (the extend to what the couple share activities). You could conclude that BDSM does not undermine a relationship, as long as it is done in a consensual way.
The problem with this specific research is that the recruitment of respondents totally took place on FetLife. This is a sort of Facebook for fetishists. You could question if there are any BDSM practitioners in a distressed relationship on that platform at all. Due to the way and location of recruitment, there could be some bias. The research is therefor not representative. A second issue is, that almost all respondents are in an open consensual non monogamous relationship. It is a well known fact that people in an open relationship are more satisfied about their relationship than people in a monogamous relationship. Therefor, the question remains what the quality of the relationship would be for BDSM practitioners in a monogamous relationship. One of the authors, Hanah Rogak, was not willing to respond to this critique.
The research shows us at most that healthy relationships exist for people that practice BDSM. But more research is necessary in order to draw conclusions about BDSM in relationships in general.