Every now and then, I am asked what the meaning of a term is that is related to kink and BDSM. That is why I’ve put together a list of terms and their meaning. Here and there are some links with further explanation elsewhere on this blog.
Still missing a term? You don’t agree with the explanation? Any suggestions for improvement? Don’t be a stranger and feel free to contact me.
| Term | Explanation |
| ABDL | Adult Baby Diaper Lover |
| Aftercare | A kink experience will including a rush of endorphins coupled with physical exertion that can leave a person feeling weak, fatigued, or dazed. Aftercare is any number of actions that the Top should undertake to bring the bottom “back to earth” and to let them restore peacefully. Depending on what was done during the session, these actions may include first aid, emotional support, snacks, drinks, massage, etc. |
| Age play | Age play is a form of role play between adults in which one or both partners pretend to be an age other than their own. In most cases a person acts as a person who is extremely younger and dresses and behaves as a baby or toddler. There are also cases in which someone pretends to be much older. |
| Animal play | Animal roleplay is a role playing game in whicj at least one person acts like an animal. In a kink / BDSM context, the person that acts like an animal is usually the submissive. Animal play is a collective term for different sub forms, such as pet play, horse play, pony play, furry play, etc. |
| Auction | Slave auctions are events in the BDSM community in which submissives are ‘sold’ to dominants. A contract typically details how long a master will have control of the slave. Often the auction is a role playing game. The ‘slave’ that is being auctioned, do so out of free will. |
| Bastinado | Bastinado litterally means ‘beating’, but in the BDSM world it is used as a term to refer to hitting someone with a whip or cane to the soles of the feet. The feet are often tied. Bastinado can also be seen as a form of foot fetishism. |
| BDSM | BDSM is an abreviation that can be explained in different ways. The B stands for bondage. B&D stands for bondage and discipline. D&S stands for dominance and submission. S&M stands for sadomasochism. |
| Bondage | Bondage is the collective term for restrain the freedom to move, for example by binding or tying, in order to get (sexually) aroused. |
| Bottom | The terms top and bottom refer to dominant or submissive, or active and passive roles, not to who is physically on top in a particular sexual act |
| Brat | A type of BDSM label, in which a sub enjoys misbehaving to the dom for attention and punishments. |
| Breast torture / bondage | Activities for persons who like various degrees of pain for sexual gratification. This is also the same as tit torture (aka titty torture and tittie torture). It may involve breast bondage with ropes, nipple clamps, slapping or whipping the breasts, breast piercing, hot wax, ice cubes, biting and pinching, suction devices, electric stimulation, chemical play with substances such as peppermint oil, and abrasion (brush bristles, rough fabric, or other textured items). |
| Butt plug | A butt plug is a device that is specially designed to be inserted in the anus, in a way that it can also be easily removed. Butt plugs are available in many materials and sizes. |
| Cane | A cane is a device that can be used for (gentle) whipping or caning. They come in different materials and diameters. |
| CBT (cock & ball torture) | A sexual act in which the male genitals (penis and scrotum) are being tortured. |
| Chastity | Chastity is focused on the unbearable erotic anticipation to put yourself (or rather: your orgasm) in the hands of someone else. It is not meant to suppress men or women, but it is applied in a BDSM relationship based on mutual consent. |
| Clamps | Clamps can be used tp be placed on sensitive body parts such as nipples, penis, or clitoris. |
| Collared / collaring | In a BDSM context, a collar is a device of any material worn by a person around the neck to indicate their submissive or slave status in a relationship. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal “collaring ceremonies”. |
| Consent | Give explicit permission for something to happen. |
| Contract | A BDSM contract is a written agreement in which the dominant party and the submissive party agree on the type of power exchange. Often it contains a list that depicts the boundaries and limits. There are different types of contracts. |
| Cuckolding | Cuckolding is a form of ‘cheating’ done by the female, with the intend of withholding sex at her submissive partner, while he watches as she has sex with (apparently) a more manly man or multiple men. |
| Cupping | Fire cupping is a form of temperature play in which the air in a glass is heated and then the glass is placed on the skin. When the air cools off, a vacuum is created that causes the glass to get stuck to the skin. |
| D/s | D/S refers to dominance and submission, the crux of a BDSM relationship. |
| DDLG | Daddy Dom Little Girl: Subset of Age Play. |
| Discipline | Where bondage is about physical constraints, with discipline it is all about mental constraints: impose ‘rules’ and corresponding ‘punishments’. |
| Dom | Abbreviation for the dominant person (often with a capital D). |
| Dungeon | A BDSM dungeon is an indoor space designated specifically for BDSM play or BDSM scenes. These spaces are usually stocked with various BDSM toys and equipment which can be used during scenes. |
| Edgeplay | In BDSM, edgeplay is a subjective term for activity (sexual or mentally manipulative) that may challenge the conventional activities; if one is aware of the risks and consequences and is willing to accept them, then the activity is considered RACK (risk-aware consensual kink). |
| Electro stimulation / e-stim | Erotic electro stimulation (or e-stim, electro sex) is a form of sex between people in which electrical stimulation is applied by little shocks on nerves of body parts like the genitals. |
| Enema | Enemas are a medical device that squirts water slightly warmer than body temperature into your anus. It’s used by hospitals to relieve people of constipation or to prep for certain medical procedures. The enema’s basic use is to clean and prep the rectum for anal sex or as a fetish. |
| Face sitting / queening | Facesitting (also known as queening or kinging), is a sexual act where one partner sits on the face of the other. Facesitting can take place in a BDSM or fetish setting or as a position to perform oral sex. |
| Fetishism | In fetishism a fixation for a particular object, an activity, or a (non sexual) body part is central. The object is called the fetish. The person is called fetishist. |
| Figging | Figging is placing a peeled piece of ginger root in the anus. It will cause a temporary and not harmful burning sensation. |
| Fire Play | A special form of temperature play where fire comes close or even on the skin. |
| Fisting | Fisting, or fist fucking is a sexual form in which you penetrate your partner with a part of your hand or with the entire hand. Sometimes, in more extreme cases, both hands are applied. Fist fucking can be done vaginally, or anally and sometimes in a combination of the two. |
| Flogger | A flogger is a type of whip that consists of strips of leather, suede, rubber or other materials. They are used in an erotic or BDSM play, for stimulation or (mild) punishments. Usually a flogger is used on the back or buttock, but also on breasts or the crotch. |
| Foot fetishism | Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, especially for heterosexual men. Someone with a foot fetish could potentially get off on everything feet. Humiliation can also play a strong role in a foot fetish. |
| Gag/gagging | Gags are often used to prevent someone from speaking or to spread the mouth. There are different gags, such as ball gags or spreaders. |
| Headgames | Head games are BDSM scenes where a dominant manipulate the psychological or emotional states of their submissive partners. These scenes are opposed to some other BDSM scenes where the dominants attempt to physically manipulate their submissives, such as through impact play or bondage. Head games are also sometimes called mind games. |
| Hogtie | A hogtie means that someone’s hands and feet are tied behind the back. Often the toed up person lies on the stomach. |
| Horse play / pony play | Pony play is a unique role playing game, where at least one person dresses up and behaves like a horse. It is a fetish that is common in the BDSM scene, because there is almost always some sort of dominance and submissiveness in place. |
| Humiliation | Erotic humiliation involves consensual shaming a person during a sexual act, either verbally or physically. This includes using degrading names, mockery, and publically forceful sexual acts. |
| Impact play | Impact play refers to any kind of activity involving hitting someone with something. It includes spanking, slapping, pinching, caning, flogging, paddling, punching, and more. |
| Japanese bondage | Japanese bondage is one variety of bondage that is typically done with rope. “Kinbaku” translates to “the beauty of tight binding” and “Shibari” translates to “decoratively tie.” “Decoratively” is right: Japanese bondage such as Shibari is an art form. |
| Kinbaku | See Japanese bondage |
| Kink | Kink refers to unconventional secual acts, fantasies or concepts. The word actually comes from a kink in a cable, like there is a kink in your sexual behavior. Kinky sex is like the opposite of vanilla sex. |
| Knife play | Knife play involves blades to produce fear and excitement. The blade is usually used to cut away clothes or involves sensation play (scratching the skin) or temperature play (making the blade hot or cold). |
| Limits | Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss these boundaries before any BDSM play. Hard and soft limits can also stated in BDSM contracts. |
| Masochism | Named after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (author of ‘Venis in furs’). That book is about a man sho enjoys getting whipped. Masochism is all about the desire to undergo physical or emotional pain. |
| MDLB | Mommy Domme, Little Boy. See age play. |
| Medical play | Almost everyone played doctor once in their life. Maybe you stopped doing that as a child, of you may still be into that. Because when it comes to sexual role playing, doctors and nurses are a well loved theme and that has its reasons. Medical role playing is suitable for dominance and submissive roles and it has endless possibilities to be creative. |
| Mummification | Form of bondage where someone is being bandaged completely. |
| Needle play / Play Piercing | Needle play or play piercing is a form of piercing the skin in a BDSM setting. In this form of piercing, it is not about permanent decorative piercings, but the experience of getting one’s skin pierced. Needles and other equipment is removed after the session, so the skin can heal. |
| Nyotaimori | Human sushi table. |
| Objectum sexuality | Objectum sexuals are persons who can have romantic feelings for inanimate objects. |
| Orgasm denial | Orgasm denial is a kind of sex play that involves maintaining a high level of arousal for an extended period of time without orgasm. |
| Paddle | A paddle is a small plank, used for spanking. |
| Pegging | Pegging is when a woman takes a man in his anus with a strap on dildo. |
| Pet play / animal play | See animal play |
| Pony Play | See animal play |
| Puppy play | See animal play |
| RACK | Risk-Aware means ensuring everyone involved is fully aware of the risks in any given kinky activity. |
| Roleplay | In a roleplay game, participants take on the role of fictional characters to build a sexual tension. Common examples include doctor/patient (medical roleplay), boss/secretary, or pool boy/rich housewife. |
| Sadism | Named after Marquis de Sade – born in 1740 and author of erotic books like ‘Justine’ and ‘100 days of Sodom’. Sadists enjoy inflicting physical or emotional pain to others. |
| Safeword | A safeword is a kind of password that is meant to indicate that the partner must stop. In the BDSM scene it is common t use safewords. When someone says their safeword, everyone must tsop all actions immediately. |
| Sound | In the BDSM scene, inserting objects in the penis is called ‘penis stuffing’, or ‘sounding’. A sound is a long, thin, smooth object of surgical steel. |
| Spanking | Hitting the buttocks with bare hands or with an object as an erotic act. |
| sub | Submissive. Often written with lower case ‘s’. |
| Sub space | Subdrop is used to describe the after affects that can occur with a submissive after a BDSM scene. It can be both physical as mental. While the physical effects usually occur right away, mental effects sometimes show after a few days. After care is important to treat the effects of subspace. |
| Switch | Although some believe that you are either submissive or dominant, others believe that it is more a matter of scale. A switch can be dominant at one time and submissive at others. |
| Toilet play | In toilet play, a submissive plays the role of a human toilet. Others can relieve themselves over the submissive, usually over the face or in the mouth. Sometimes, special furniture is used. Also in combination with face sitting. |
| Top | See bottom |
| Topspace | Topspace is the counterpart to subspace, just not as well known. Even a dominant can experience physical and mental destress, due to the enorphines and intensity of a BDSM session. |
| Vanilla | Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness, and no BDSM. Basically plain regular sex. |
| Wartenberg wheel | A wartenberg wheel, or pin wheel or neuro wheel, is invented by Robert Wartenberg (1887 – 1956) as a medical instrument to test nerve reactions, by running the pinned wheel over the skin. |
| Wax play | Playing with candle wax, by dripping or poring wax over your partner. |
| X-frame | A common piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It has restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to an X-Frame, the subject is restrained in a spreadeagle position. It’s typically used for sexual teasing and whipping. |
| YKINMK | A phrase used in the kink community to show respect for someone else’s kink while simultaneously respecting one’s own desires and limits: Your Kink Is Not My Kink. |
As multi faceted as a Rubik's Cube. Wants to have a day off after every holliday. Has a bucket list that is smaller than his fucket list.
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The definition of “consent” listed here is deeply incorrect.