Who told you masturbation is something to do solo? Self pleasuring is great, healthy and simply a big stress relief. Still, it is sad to see that it is rarely a topic of conversation between two partners, let alone that it is something you’d practice together. And that is unfortunate. Mutual masturbation can be an extremely exciting and incredibly intimate activity.
What is mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is the act of self pleasure while your partner is in the vicinity. Your partner is watching you and may be masturbating as well in the meantime. Masturbating is usually something people do alone. It is still masturbation, though, if someone else is watching and doesn’t touch you.
But it is also mutual masturbation, when partners simultaneously manually stimulate each other, for example when a man fingers a woman while she jerks him off, or when two men simultaneously jerk each other off, or when two women finger each other, or … well, you get the point.
Mutual masturbation: how to?
Many people masturbate regularly, even when they are in a relationship and the sex is good. Some people even masturbate more often when they have sex frequently. Our own – non scientific – research among our Dutch readers, shows that about half of all men and one third of all women masturbate on a daily basis. So when you are in a relationship, chances are your partner masturbates regularly. Masturbating is a great way to relief stress. However, masturbating is often something people tend to do secretly. Getting caught while playing with yourself is about the most embarrassing thing one can experience. That is also why it may feel a bit awkward and weird to do so while your partner is watching. Nonetheless, it is very much worth the try!
There is no good or bad way for mutual masturbation. Whether you do it with the lights on or off, in the bedroom or in the great outdoors, with or without sex toys, it is all about doing it because (and if) it is a turn on for you both. Mutual masturbation can be an experience that is incomparable with any other kind of sex.
When the idea of mutual masturbation seems exciting (e.g. because you’d like to watch your partner going at it, or because you’d like to be watched), just ask your partner how he or she would feel about it. Just think in what setting it may be most exciting for you. Do you want to sit far apart, do you want your partner to be naked or dressed, do you want the lights on or dimmed? Discuss the options with your partner, by saying something like “Do you know what really turns me on? When I play with myself when you watch. What do you think?”
Try to keep eye contact while you masturbate together. It will ensure an intimate connection. On top of that, it will be incredibly exciting to see how your partner responds. Let yourself go. Let your hands run all over your body. Tell your partner what you are doing or what you see and what it makes you feel like. The verbal aspect of it can add to the excitement. Move around, if you like to. Change positions. Make it a little show with your partner as the sole spectator.
If you want to make it extra adventurous, add your favorite sex toy that you like to use for solo sex. This doesn’t only account to women, but also to men!
10 reasons for mutual masturbation
- It is safe. As long as you don’t touch each other, mutual masturbation is the safest way to have sex together. There is no physical risk in getting an STD or getting pregnant. Of course, that immediately changes when you do start to touch. Even with manual sex there is a (slight) risk.
- It is visual attractive. many women and most men are visually Veel vrouwen en de meeste mannen zijn visueel persons. That is the reason why so many people watch porn. But in stead of watching porn on a small screen, you can also watch a person you know and love in real life. Real porn, especially for you, without the fake moaning. And you don’t have to be embarrassed to touch yourself when you are watching. Even better, it will be much appreciated when you do. When you have ever watched porn (chances are 100%), you know what I am talking about. Except, mutual masturbation is way hotter than watching porn, just because it is live and right before your eyes. Watching your partner and getting turned on by each other is the ultimate visual experience.
- It’s educational. Most people can get an orgasm (easily) when they masturbate, even if they have issues with that during sex. For some people it is even the most important reason to masturbate. When you masturbate together, you can see what it is your partner does to reach an orgasm. Have you ever done your utmost to pleasure your partner, but still it didn’t work? Pay attention, because this is your chance to learn. So don’t have a bucket of popcorn to lay back and watch, but make mental notes. Each person is different and because no partner comes with a manual, there is no better way to learn than by watching. The more you pay attention, the better you will get in bed.
On top of that it can also be very educational for yourself. If you don’t masturbate that often, or if you are embarrassed by it, mutual masturbation will help you to get skilled, both on yourself as with your partner.
- It is the perfect way to show how you like it. Perhaps you are that person that is perfectly capable to tell your partner in the heat of the moment what it is you like, but most of us are not very good at that. Not alone is it very educational to know what and how your partner likes it, mutual masturbation is the golden opportunity to show your partner how you like it. Especially when you add some verbal instructions to it (not of the know-it-all kind, but the constructive and dirty talk kind: ‘it feels so good to make circles around here’). Just because a (animated) picture says so much more than a thousand words. But even if you are to shy to express yourself in words, mutual masturbation is the perfect way to demonstrate your wishes.
- You will (technically) remain a virgin. It all depends on the definition of virginity, of course. But technically, defloration is seen as the first time you have penetrative (penis in vagina) sex. When you use that definition, you are able to have mutual masturbation without losing your virginity. Mutual masturbation is the best way to have sex without having sex. If it is important for you to keep your virginity (for example until marriage), mutual masturbation is a great escape.
- Exhibitionism and voyeurism at the same time. There is a bit of a voyeur and exhibitionist in almost everyone of us. That is also why we like to have sex in front of a mirror, or in public places. When you masturbate together, there is plenty of opportunity to watch and be watched. Besides, you will see some things no one will ever see.
- It is intimate. Mutual masturbation is – no matter how paradoxical that might seem – more intimate than ‘regular sex’ (penis in vagina). You have to show your vulnerability, showing something that you only did in private previously. The other person will see everything, while in some sex positions a large part of you probably was never really visible. It is that vulnerability and opening up for your partner, that makes it this much intimate. You will notice that once you have masturbated together, you will connect on a whole other level, no matter how long you are in a relationship.
- It is exponential more hot that masturbating solo. Masturbating is nice, because no one knows better how to reach an orgasm than you yourself. But alone is just alone. That’s why mutual masturbating is nice incarnated. It is incredibly hot to see how your partner gets turned on from your little ‘show’.
- It inspires the fantasy. By watching each other, you will get new ideas on how you can treat your partner. Mutual masturbation will inspire you to do things with your partner, you might not have done before. How awesome is that?! Also, when your partner is just not in the mood for sex, he or she might be willing to watch. And it is even possible that, by watching you, your partner might start to get into the mood! That way, mutual masturbation can brake the routine.
- It is a great alternative for a booty call. Imagine, you are into sex. But it is late and you have to get up early the next morning. You really feel like it, but it is such a hustle. Recognizable? Try mutual masturbation. After all, most people will reach an orgasm much faster when they masturbate then by having sex. Better yet, the failure rate is almost zero. Mutual masturbation is a guarantee for an orgasm in just a few minutes, so you can still can get to sleep in time (and more tired).